Deja Vu

I went to ground this time last year, thanks to some unpleasant and unexpected business at work. The short story of it was, they made me feel massively undervalued and, maybe because I am such a proud person and always want to do my very best, very hurt. I got a couple of application forms. Then the ski trip came along and kept me in my job.

Which is why I am so GUTTED that they have gone and done exactly the same thing to me this year. It is over a different matter but with an identical outcome in terms of my feelings - worse, if possible. The bad news was broken to me at the end of a lunchbreak, before double horrible-class followed by a parents' evening, and the day before I had to be in school by 5.45am for a trip to Belgium. Brilliant! I had a day in the following week where I could only just manage to be in front of classes: talking to colleagues just made me choke up and I cried so much on my drive home that I nearly went straight to the doctor and had him sign me off. The thought of having to declare it on job applications for the next two years kept me from doing it, though.

Luckily, today, it resolved itself, in my favour; I've learnt a lot about myself through the process, and about my colleagues, and about my line manager who is a little bit too far down the spectrum to really "get" emotion (she is a bit like Sheldon Cooper) but was extremely supportive and helpful when I cried through our hour-long meeting last week. However, I would prefer not to have to do this again, please.

I did have a job application filled in for another job, but I think I'm going to tough it out. I'll wait and see what comes up in the next term or so; and also what happens with the redundancy process that's just begun, because someone from my department is in the firing line. This would be the last straw - but with the payout, the marking money and a little belt-tightening, I worked out I could have September-Christmas off. This is wildly tempting! Mr Z says no. He says he might apply for redundancy and have September-Christmas off to play golf.

We are both ready for retirement, it seems.

Anyway, if I don't get made redundant then I'll benefit from having a new Head from September, and all I can hope is that this will vastly improve matters. Sitting tight, then - but keeping an eye on it, because I would hate to be quiet next March because they have screwed me over for a third time.