2026 Week 6

I emerged from goblin mode this week and had quite a pleasant one, all things considered. Work feels manageable; I said to Becky at the start of the week that I thought I might be able to finish my to-do list this week and it very nearly happened. I was able to advance some work projects that were irking me, too, so they're not done but at least they're in progress. I worked away on my new exam board job for probably far more hours than would be covered by the fee (note to self: set a timer next time) and managed to submit a little early. No dissertation work happened but I had a good conversation with other teacher friends today about it and it has made me feel more positive and eager to move forward with it. 

I was sharing a car with said teacher friends on a return trip to London for a history conference on Saturday. I've not been to this one before because, really, it's not so useful for me to go to history conferences these days, due to my changed job role. But I have been to so many over the years that, when I don't go, I realise I miss out on the social aspect of being embedded in my subject community. It really felt like I knew half of the people there today, many of whom I had not seen for a number of years, and I was able to make some introductions that I hope will be helpful for a friend trying to get a job in a new area. Plus they had a great historian to speak and I enjoyed that a lot. Only one bad workshop. Another from one of the people who interviewed me when I went for that job at the big O in 2020, that was quite good. Interesting to see the inside of another school. The post-conference pub visit and the road trip might have been the best bit though.

I continued with all the usual self-care things - three gym trips, yoga, PT session, sauna. I listlessly knitted on the watermelon cowl, I'm not really into it for some reason. I didn't really read as I was up too late doing my new exam job to do much reading afterwards. I've been watching a lot of winter Olympics lead up stuff on the new winter sports channel that has appeared. Love the winter Olympics. I can't decide how I feel about Lindsey Vonn doing her ACL but skiing in the downhill anyway, though. I really want to be supportive and think she is a hero...well, she is a hero...but I am nervous for her. It's not just about never skiing again, supposing she can't walk again? I don't know. But I have been doing her ski workouts that I nick from the gram and they are good, I know she is in peak physical condition. 

Writing this on Saturday night for posting on Sunday and it's occurred to me that, by this time tomorrow, she will have competed so I can come back with my verdict. 

....well. That did not end well. Never good when you can hear the screaming from the drone footage. 

Throwaway Thursday - the golden glitter

An occasional series that I might also title, 'Things in my house that are basically rubbish but I am a borderline hoarder and cannot bring myself to throw them out'. The idea is to memorialise such things here and then bin them for good. 

Boy, do I have a treat for you. I present - some golden craft glitter that I bought in the 90s. 

As you can see, there is not much left and it has lost its lid. Why do I still give it house room? Well, for one thing, these are the OG microplastics and how one safely disposes of these things now is anybody's guess. For another, I have some fond memories of it. 

I used to use this as a glitter eyeliner, which makes me want to cry now, and not just as a contact lens wearer. How did I not go blind? I also used to rub cocoa butter on my limbs and then sprinkle it liberally over myself before going out clubbing - I have a vivid memory of doing this before going to some 70s club round the back of Oxford Street, when I wore my PVC dress and we took many pictures which Justine never had developed. The next day, the guy from work I'd sort of been seeing picked me up from work and took me on the infamous worst date of my life (I am bound to have written about it on here before) which involved driving from Brent Cross to the Dartford Bridge and back, and that was it; I had managed about two hours of sleep and was still covered in glitter, because my house didn't have a shower and I hadn't had time for a bath. It was our last date, obviously. I like to think some of that glitter stayed on his passenger seat for the rest of the time he owned the car, it would be some small restitution. 

The last time I can remember using the glitter like this was on this night in Ibiza in 2002, when we went to see Dave Pearce at Eden -

Shortly after this picture was taken, the front barman picked me up for another photo, which sadly I can't find (I think it involved some unflattering leg angles though, honestly, at my current age and weight, I cannot believe I could find any picture of me from 2002 unflattering); when he put me down again he was mystified as to what had happened to his arms, which were covered in a mixture of this glitter and Lush's King of Skin. Good luck getting that off, mate. 

That creepy barman on the right (the one I am leaning away from) grabbed me and tried to kiss me when I was the last person in the bar one night, so grim: an experience that lightly taints the pictures from this trip. 

Anyway. I won't use this as a cosmetic anymore, now that I respect my skin and eyes; I did use some of it for making photo frames, back when I used to do that; half of it spilled in the top drawer of the filing cabinet; what possible use could I have for what is left? 

It is pretty, though. 

Tuesday Ten - 2025 part 4

31. What did you do on your birthday?
I got my nails done, then drove into Bristol and got softserve and a babka from a favourite bakery. Mr Z made curry and flatbreads for tea. Other than that, I packed for my holiday, worked on my metanalysis and was quiet at home. I don't often have birthdays at home so that made a change but it was also quite muted because we were into Mother Z's final fortnight, though we didn't know it, so Mr Z spent much of the day round there. 

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I really can't think of anything. It was quite a satisfying year. As I think I've mentioned before, I would have liked more down time, but I'm not sure that really fits the word satisfying. 

33. How would you describe your personal fashion this year?
Dopamine dressing. Colour. How a primary school child might dress for an office job. 

I have reintroduced trousers into my wardrobe this year, now that there is less belly. I had my Vietnam-crafted suit trousers taken in at a local mender's and bought some pink herringbone tweed trousers from Boden (with the jacket - the suit feels a bit much worn all together but I do get compliments). I hadn't really worn trousers to work for about 10 years, apart from loose palazzo-style under short dresses, so that was new. 

My favourite new shop discovery was Aligne. I have spent so long shopping in just one or two places, resigned to the fact nobody stocks bigger sizes, that I stopped looking elsewhere, so it was pleasant to discover that many brands have moved on a bit now and do stock an extended size range. My only issue with Aligne is that their dresses are so short, especially for those of us who are long of body and fat of thigh - what should be a clean and slightly angular look becomes positively salacious on me. I am also quite picky in that I don't like midi or maxi length, really: I want something between mid-thigh and knee. It's not really a bad thing that there are not loads of items in the range I want to buy, though. I do probably have enough clothes to last me for the rest of my life. 

I also bought more pearls. I got a long string at Wonderwool and then a double row with a big crystal flower clasp from an antiques stall at a little market in Oxford. Then Mr Z gifted me pearl earrings for Christmas. I believe this is me leaning into middle-age jewellery, as if my burgeoning collection of brooches didn't already indicate this clearly enough. 

34. What kept you sane?

Mr Z. The cats. Getting more sleep. Doing hot and cold things - swimming, sauna. The gym. Actually love the gym now, what a weirdo. 

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you admire the most?

OK, hear me out - I have to choose Charli XCX. I just very much enjoy watching her live her projection of her best life whilst at the same time she is grinding and has been very upfront about the fact that pretty much everyone in her life is someone she wants to work with. I appreciate a woman who loves her work to the point of being unable to ever put it down (one of my tribe). I appreciate the smoking, I miss smoking. I loved the wedding, both of them. I'm really very anti Class A drugs but, meh. 

I'm sure there are lots of people who are more worthy due to their political activism but, honestly, I've probably consumed more content about Charli XCX than anyone else. This feels vaguely pathetic as someone almost old enough to have birthed her but, I must own my truth. 

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Immigration. I am appalled at how anti-immigration rhetoric is now just acceptable mainstream opinion. I hate the fact so many people seem to think people shouldn't be able to claim asylum, the way that it is brutal and deep-seated racism dressed up as something more socially acceptable, that the lies attached to it are repeated and believed by so many seemingly normal people, that it's used as a scapegoat for social issues caused by nearly two decades of reduced public spending because a bunch of super-rich bankers decided to crash the world's economy so they could enrich themselves. I could go on and on and on about how damaging, hateful and, frankly, embarrassing it is. Mostly I just don't talk about it. Nobody will ever change my mind so I don't see much point in trying to change anybody else's.

37. Who did you miss?

I missed my dad far more than I ever expected to. I suppose it's because, though we didn't speak much, we did speak at least once a year. It has now been two years since he died. I don't think there's much I'd have to tell him but I'd be interested in his take on the current political situation, though it has to be said that living in the US had turned some of his views a bit white supremacist - not right-wing, but definitely more than a little bit racist. Or maybe he was always that way but we just never really talked about it. 

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I'm sure I must have met some new people last year but I actually can't remember any of them. 

39. What valuable life lesson did you learn this year?

Actively plan things for downtime. Don't leave it until you get the break, when your decision fatigue, executive dysfunction, whatever you want to call it, will result in all of that relaxation time being whiled away in a combination of scrolling, listlessness, guilt and regret. And you know, it might be easy to say that doing nothing is necessary and is relaxing in itself, and I can agree to a point, but what's MORE relaxing is nourishing mind, body and soul with a carefully-curated selection of your favourite activities and actually having them ready and planned so you don't have to make any choices but can just relax into enjoying them. 

Pretty long life lesson. 

40. What is a quote that sums up your year?

'You can't pour from an empty jug'. 

2026 Week 5

Quite a goblin week this week. I didn't really watch much, knit much or read much. I even cried off knitting yesterday morning. 

I spent much of the week being really annoyed but I wasn't really sure why. I feel like I have too many things to do and I feel creeping dread about getting my dissertation done, it feels as though I have very little time left to do it. I don't really know why; the deadline is not that close. I can't progress my project until I get the go-ahead from work, though, so maybe that's it. So I keep thinking I should change back to my original topic which won't really require any permission. 

Yeah, it's making a bit more sense why I've been in a poor mood for most of the week. 

I did all the self-care things. Monday, gym; Tuesday, sauna; Wednesday, yoga; Thursday, PT; Friday, hot yoga. Baths and early nights. Nice pyjamas. I tried exceptionally hard to eat sensibly. I only had one coffee all week. I kept reminding myself that it is almost thinking about getting light when I leave for work in the mornings now. But, to no avail. Sometimes I think you just have to accept the slump. On Thursday night, I decided I would not sit at my computer, messing around online while feeling bad about not doing the stack of marking I brought home, but would instead sit at my computer and fight my work inbox for an hour. This was very successful. It resulted in a much happier Friday and a much calmer weekend, mainly because I know there aren't a dozen things lurking that I haven't quite done. Maybe that was also the creeping dread. 

I spent a big chunk of Saturday working on my new exam board job. It took me most of the day to get started, predictably, because I wasn't totally sure what to do, but once I got started - yes. This is the exam board job for me. Spotting typos. Grammar pedantry. Considering whether a specific word really insinuates what we want it to. I looked up and it was 11.30pm. 

The only other thing of note this week was that I met a politician at school. He is quite famous. I'm not writing the name because he's also quite divisive. He was a local MP until 2024 and has a reputation for being Victorian and lying on benches. One of our pol teachers wrote to lots of local politicians, inviting them in, and he was the only one who replied, so then we had to have him in, even though our students (and staff) made a half-hearted protest against it. As I imagined he would be, he was scrupulously polite, extremely measured and put across his point of view very well. It was interesting to watch him blow our students' minds a little every time he said something they agreed with. There were some really quite significant holes in his arguments, and I was left a little sad that our lot aren't quite up to pushing back on some of these, but tbf, we did tell them to stay respectful and not bring the school into disrepute, so that might be partly our fault. 

He said at the beginning that, if you want to test if you believe in free speech, you have to listen to people you don't agree with, and I think we can all say we did that. I'm mainly relieved that he didn't use the visit to announce he was moving even further right and joining that other party. I would have thought he would have been above it, as they don't really seem to have any ideology other than, 'Go away', but apparently he is considering it. 

Throwaway Thursday - the Banana Republic tee

The first in an occasional series that I might also title, 'Things in my house that are basically rubbish but I am a borderline hoarder and cannot bring myself to throw them out'. The idea (and I think I've done this before) is to memorialise such things here and then bin them for good. 

Up first: the Banana Republic tee. 

I have had one of these t-shirts in my wardrobe since 1992. Father Hand bought me a light grey marl version with a dark green logo when I visited him in Florida over Christmas that year. I wore it throughout my teen years. 

School trip to Venice, 1993.

(In 2004 I was coming to the end of a phase of trying to get my picture taken with as many policemen as possible. I don't remember why I got into this phase, but I do have a lot of pictures of me with policemen.) 

When I returned to live with Father Hand in 2000, I came back with (I think) three such t-shirts, having worn the original into rags. I had them in dark blue, dark red and dark grey. The dark blue and dark red are both long gone but this grey one remained. 

It has reached the end of its life as a t-shirt. It was worn to holes around the neck, hem and underarm stitching. I put it on at the gym last week and almost had second thoughts about wearing it, partly because who goes to the gym in rags and because one catch on a handlebar or weight and I feared the whole thing would rip away from me and I would then have to stop going to that gym. So, I washed it one last time and then chopped it neatly into squares to use as mini whiteboard rubbers at school. In fact, I did that before I remembered to take a picture. But I'm keeping the logo. 

Happily, due to the world we live in now, I found another one online second-hand for under a tenner, so that's basically an unbroken ownership streak of 34 years for this t-shirt style. 

(Update on this: said t-shirt was apparently shop-lifted out of the shop the day before I bought it, so my streak is broken. If anybody sees one for sale...)

Pigeon attack, Venice, 1993. 

Tuesday Ten - 2025 part 3

21. How are you spending the holidays? 

I spent them in the usual way - lots of rest, lots of cold turkey, a visit from Mother Hand, a lot of Super Mario.

If we're talking about more than just Christmas (which we are because this isn't America), I spent most of my holiday time in Oxford or in one of the places listed in the first of these posts. The summer holiday flew by depressingly quickly because I had so much to do. I am determined to not have a repeat of that this year: I will get my dissertation as finished as it can be before the first deadline in July, so I don't have to give up most of a second summer holiday. 

22. Did you fall in love this year?

Not with anybody or anything new. 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, I don't really hate people. I find some people intensely irritating and that list hasn't really changed since last year. I'm sure other people find the same thing, that you spend ages waiting for someone you don't like at work to leave, and then they go, only to find there was someone else equally unlikeable just waiting in the wings for the opportunity to be irritating. 

Nobody annoying has left work in the past year but I am resigned to just allowing the flies in my ointment, mainly because they make me appreciate their absence so much. 

I don't think there's anybody intensely irritating in my personal life that I have to see often, because I have control over that and I tend to just, not see those people. 

24. What was your favourite show?
Mostly 2025 was a year of rewatches - The Good Wife, The Wire and The Sopranos. I loved them all and technically The Wire was not a rewatch because I never finished it first time round. 

Of new series, probably The Last of Us had the biggest impact. I'm still not at peace with the ending. I also enjoyed Celebrity Traitors which I binged over Christmas, unable to put up with the pressure from my Y13s any longer. 

I do spend a lot of time being advised to watch things that I never have time to sit down to. 

25. What was the best book you read?

I think my favourite from last year was Lessons in Chemistry, it made me laugh so much.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery of the year?
This wasn't really a year to discover new music. I've stopped listening to the radio so how would I know what's new? But probably Chappell Roan, she has managed to break through. 

27. What was your favourite film?
Did I see any new films in 2025? I must have done. I saw Wicked 2 but it was only OK, I am not really supportive of it being made in two parts, I don't love it that much. Maybe The Phoenician Scheme? That was better but still not amazing. 

28. What was your favourite meal?
I love eating. This is a really hard choice. But probably the tasting menu we had at Smalhans in Oslo. Everything tasted super fresh and delicious and there was lots of fish, which I love. My favourite was probably the cabbage wedge that accompanied the beef, probably because it was doused in melted butter. 

Plus we did the accompanying wine flight. And the company was excellent: Rachael found us the restaurant and did the booking, and it's particularly fun going to eat with Alex because he loves eating as much as I do and will try pretty much anything - this is key for a tasting menu, in my opinion. Rachael was very brave and ate everything except the strawberries. Love that she drew the line at this. 

Clean plate. Absolutely necessary napkin placement. 

Honourable mentions: 

Street eating in Bari, with Campari Spritz, live singing from someone who I'm going to say was the son of the owner's sister, going by the dynamic we witnessed between these people, and very delicious cime di rapa orecchiette. 

Dinner at the castle in Albania. Albanian tasting menu. 

The Turkish breakfast at my local cafe. No pictures of this but it is top notch. It is what I eat when Mr Z has the full English at Saturday brunch. Fresh veggies, cheese, honey, eggs with a little sausage, flatbreads and some kind of crispy fried pastry with a little cheese and spinach inside. Actually quite similar to Albanian fare, not surprisingly I guess. 

Mr Z's Keralan beef and flatbreads. My choice of birthday meal this year. Very good with my home-made mango chutney and a little yogurt.

29. What did you want and get?

Um. A tricky question. Like, materially? - because I don't really want for anything. I'm very fortunate. 

I guess I wanted a bit more designer jewellery because this has become a spendy treat attached to my exam money every year (I sort of consider it an investment, as this stuff does seem to hold value, though probably not when you wear it as joyfully and often as I do), so I got a little hoop stack from Loewe, that you can see in the picture of me drinking, above. 

More generally, I got a reader card for All Souls library which was a really convoluted process on which I refused to give up; I got merits in three of my MSc assignments, after I talked myself into being happy with any passing mark; and I got another exam board job for another exam board (actually two but I turned one down when I worked out it seemed to pay roughly minimum wage - not really OK for a skilled role and I am privileged enough to be able to say no to such things) which - did I want it? - want is a strong word, but it is another aspect of the role that I haven't done before so, learning. And if I ever manage to leave teaching, it will be a few more pounds in the bank each year. 

30. What did you want and not get?

I'm quite keen on the idea of an MP3 player but I haven't advanced that thought yet. At the moment I use my old phone (purchased circa 2017) as my music player and I am particularly fond of the fact that I never have to connect it to the internet. The internet is not what it used to be. I keep thinking about replacing it because part of the reason the old phone is my old phone is because the battery is not reliable; but now that battery packs are a thing I worry about that less. 

Less materially, I wanted to work less hard and this did not happen. In fact, it so emphatically didn't happen that it has pushed me further down the road out of teaching than any year previously. 

I also wanted a pretty gardenful of flowers, such as I managed in 2024, but there was no chance of that. March was unbelievable, there was no time for planting anything. Maybe this year. 

Oh yes, and I would have liked to lose some more weight, but did not. I am trying very hard not to be sad about it. I am the fittest I have ever been and I got rid of the diabetes, for now. That made it much harder to lose weight, because where is the incentive...but I will keep trying. 

2026 Week 4

It was the busy timetable week at work this week, so I have been fighting a to do list that grows at least two items longer for every one I tick off, grim. Not winning. I did at least get Friday in Birmingham for a trust meeting, though that ended up being quite frustrating and a reminder, once again, that when I leave teaching it will probably be because of the trust. I just cannot with this 'You need to do joined up thinking' when there is embarrassingly little joined up thinking at the top, and I cannot keep saying this to them, because I am at risk of becoming the biggest whinger and nobody likes the biggest whinger. 

Thankfully there's been mercifully little work to do not related to my actual job this week. 

In the spirit of just doing things rather than thinking about them for so long that I miss the opportunity, I booked a 6am swim at Jubilee pool in Knowle, to swim under Luke Jerram's Helios, on Wednesday. I didn't have to get up too much earlier than normal and it was such a good way to start the day - other-worldly to swim under this light and I only had to share it with about a dozen other people, so it was a great time to go. 

The sun swayed a little from the heat/movement in the pool and the light inside swirls and moves very gently as well, so the whole thing gives the impression of being in motion, but that sort of 'Did that just move?' corner of your eye motion. 

Man, was I tired by the end of the day, though. I fell asleep at yoga twice; the first time, I woke myself up snoring (awkward) but the second time, I was woken up by the man next to me snoring, so that was OK. 

I have managed to finish John Boyne's The Elements, it's very compelling to read and I have found that the notion of shorter, 120ish-page books has helped me race through. I'm always on the lookout for another connection between the stories. I think this might be the first time in my adult life that I've finished a library book without having to renew it at least once. 

I've been continuing to knit a squishy brioche cowl in the watermelon gradient I mentioned last week, mostly whilst watching Runaway on Netflix, which had some cracking actors in it but ... I just don't think Harlen Coben series are for me. I didn't like the last one I watched much, either. I got through it super quick, though. Now I can't find much on that I want to watch. I did finally get around to watching Saltburn last night though. Only several years later.  

I'm trying to develop a new habit of a Friday night reset, spruce up, whatever the young people are calling it these days - my own version of Cosy Friday. I put away all my clothes from the week and last weekend's washing, which is inevitably still on the airer/radiators or in a pile somewhere, because it's nice waking up on a Saturday with no floordrobe. I also wash up and spray down all the kitchen surfaces. This week I even went to the gym after getting back from Birmingham, so I felt extra smug and wow, did I sleep well. 

The gym was surprisingly busy. I hoped it would be dead so I could try out the ski erg without risk of humiliation but it was even busier than normal, but lots of wholesome things going on, like a dad/daughter KB session (very much hope they were dad/daughter or otherwise, urgh) and some women spotting each other on a little circuit in the weights area. Weird Gym Man was also there, chatting to lots of people and helping out a woman with adjusting her bench, although she did not seem like she needed help. She was quite muscly. She was also in full make up and wearing a halter top. I hate myself a bit for judging what people wear to the gym and especially women, but I really don't understand the concept of a gym halter top if you have anything more than A cup breasts. Maybe even AA. Yes, your back looks fire and your shoulder definition is proudly displayed but, ow, and also, don't make any sudden movements. 

Should also point out I was in basically full make up, having come directly from a trust meeting. I was terrified to touch my face, for fear of it smearing everywhere. Not the vibe I'm looking for in the gym. Clearly being glam at the gym takes a lot of forbearance.