Things I think about the heat

1. Thank goodness I lost some weight two years ago because this would be infinitely more hellish otherwise.

2. As I learned in bikram - keeping still and quiet and expending minimal energy and not wiping the sweat more than you can help is the one.

3. I did feel minorly guilty a month ago when I found a mini electric hand fan at school and took it home rather than turning it into lost property but I do NOT feel any regrets now. 

4. The older I get, the more I dislike air conditioning. 

4. I appreciate the heat because I know how lovely it will be in three days when I'm sitting outside in the evening and it's actually a little cool on my skin. 

6. I appreciate the heat because it turns the mundane into an almost biblical experience: drinking a glass of really cold water, taking a cool shower, lying on the bed with wet hair in front of a fan. I know this is a bit Pollyanna of me. I don't care. It's too hot to care. 

7. It's not as hot as it was two weeks ago. 

8. Please, please let this autumn be the autumn that I finally stop procrastinating and get thermal-lined curtains for the front rooms of the house. 

9. Remember when it rained basically every day in January? Fun times. 

2026 Week 25

It's been a week of exam work, with a little dissertation work wedged in around the edges. Oh, and school, obvs. 

School is weird. What I'm doing looks like it's being successful, I'm told by my boss it's being successful, but the trust don't want me to continue doing it, so my role might change for next year. I'm trying to resist this, for a variety of reasons, but ultimately need to remember something I say often to other people: I work for them, they get to choose what I do. A few conversations have been had. In one of these conversations, I plucked up the courage to tell the Head that I think next year needs to be my last year in teaching for a while. I've been thinking it for so long without saying it that I could feel myself blushing and hear the blood in my ears. I know this isn't the same as resigning and I'll still be in role for another year, but I feel like I've started the countdown. I don't want to leave my school but I don't think I can continue to work for this MAT. I don't have it in my to lie down and shut up. 

So, a lot of the week has also been spent mentally calculating my living expenses and mourning the future loss of my monthly salary. I will be financially fine but I kind of like being paid every month, you know? I expect interesting projects will come along once I have capacity for them. Mr Z has also pointed out that I haven't been particularly happy at work for about two years, which I hadn't really noticed (I realise how stupid this sounds but sometimes it does take someone else to say these things out loud to recognise them). So I think I am ready to start letting it go. 

I spent Wednesday at the university for a training day, with my good friend Jonty who does my job at another school, so we get this nice catch up every year now. A couple of other friends I haven't seen for a while were there as well, so nice to see people, especially at this time of year when it feels like all my communication is with people I mark with and all by email or text. 

I went to the sauna, to hot yoga and for a quarry swim. No Sunday gym, I am out of the habit now but I am not being down on myself about it, it will come back when I've got through the dissertation work. We continued with the second season of The Pitt until we ran out of episodes; I've been watching the new series of Amandaland which is almost too awkward for me to cope with, but I love Lucy Punch in it. No knitting. Bit of Dracula reading. 

TLDR - not a very interesting week but it might turn out to be an important one, in the long run. 

2026 Week 24

It has been a predictably busy few weeks. 

In half term, I went to Oxford for the week. It was a very productive trip. First of all, I found a new library that I hadn't been into before; it turns out that it was only opened in October last year, which explains why I had never been in, even though it is under 10 minutes' walk from where I stay and open 9-9. I spent a very long day in there, as well as hitting All Souls and the Rad Cam, my two long-standing favourites; I ate at my favourite breakfast, lunch and dinner spots; I walked in University Parks. My Oxford swansong. I booked an additional night there just before dissertation hand in and also discovered I can get a Bodleian libraries card as an alumna, so the libraries won't be totally off-limits. I'm fairly sure I won't get back there nearly as often as I'd like to, though. 

The best thing about going to Oxford was the progress I managed to make on my dissertation. I have gone from it being a low-level panic that I thought of when I woke up every morning, to something that I am now confident I can finish on time in a state that will pass. I got about 7000 words down in the week and I finished my research interviews; since then, I have made some updates to my lit review and started coding my data, as they say. I was all in my head about coding my data for a long old time but then I realised that it just means reading it and picking out some things that look like common themes. Not such a big deal. I had an online meeting with my supervisor this week and it really does feel like the end if in sight; after doing some coding, with the meeting coming up a day earlier than expected, I decided I would sit for an hour and bash out some things I had spotted: that turned into a thousand words and a comment that 'this looks really good, now it's just a question of finding some quotes'. Thrilling. 

It is hard to carve out the time now that we are into marking season, but carve it out I will. The date for the end of All The Work is still the end of September, but as that draws closer, it is actually comforting. The period of endless hard work is shortening. Work is being done. It will be fine. 

A couple of other half term adventures included a walk around Chew Lake with Saff and Kate, on a blisteringly sunny day, and a visit to an exhibition of lesser-seen Elizabethan portraits during my quick trip to London. Plus the new Banksy statue. 

I wedged a lot in. It's what happens when I'm busy with work. On Friday night I got AI to teach me how to code a button on my homescreen that plays the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme tune whenever Mr Z says something about everything going wrong. It took longer than it should have done but I was thrilled with my new knowledge and with my new ability to soundtrack his life. We are into week 4 or 5 of impossibly hurty knee, so he is less thrilled than me. 

This past week has been setting up everything for exam marking, which necessitated a couple of 16-hour days, but it is becoming clearer to me that the more hours I can put in ahead of online marking starting (this weekend), the more fruits will appear. The way that the system works now, the bulk of my labour is done. That feels very odd to say that, but it is true. There is plenty more to do, of course, but it is spread out and deadlines are fairly moveable. 

I've been re-reading Dracula through all of this, which is easy to pick up for a few pages, mostly because I know it so well. I saw Cynthia Erivo playing Dracula in London during Oxford week. It was a great version where she played 23 different parts, interacting with pre-recorded characters she'd played, and I enjoyed it hugely. The one thing that irritated me was that she had a conversation with Lucy, early on in the play, where Lucy admitted to having been intimate with Arthur. I didn't remember this being in the book and it was so f'ing hackneyed, that awful old trope of 'woman has sex and then gets horribly murdered' that shows up in all the sexually-repressed American films, that I had to come back and reread the book to see if it was in there and I'd forgotten. It's not. There's a letter that Lucy writes to Mina where she says she is looking forward to Arthur being her 'husband and lover', but that's it. Now, I never read Dracula at school: I haven't done a deep dive into the themes and metaphors Stoker apparently put in there (I think he was just looking to write a blockbuster horror book like Mary Shelley but I'm not an English teacher so...) but I think it would be a stretch to suggest that Lucy was promiscuous just because she was proposed to three times in one day and was excited about marrying a man. 

As you can see, this topic has been living rent-free in my head for some time now. I just hate the inherent misogyny of the whole 'if you have sex, things will end badly for you' theme. For a modern example, see Taken: friend says she will have sex with Frenchman she met, friend kidnapped and ends up dying after being overdosed with heroin in a squat. Meanwhile, girl who was shocked at the idea of having sex is rescued. Tell me that's not barely-coded messaging to elicit patriarchal society's preferred behaviours among women, but I will not believe you. And I'm very annoyed that the writers of stage Dracula decided to take this quite modern trope and wedge it into a 19th century book. As if we need any more trad wife messaging*. 

Anyway. 

The blue jumper grows: I'm about 4 inches off finishing the body. I am concerned about the roll of the neck but I will take some steps to fix it when I'm finished and know how much yarn I have left. I shouldn't be spending any time knitting but I am desperate to see how much yarn the body will take and the only way to find that out is by knitting it. 

The peonies came out in the garden in spectacular fashion and have now gone over and been replaced by the honeysuckle. The cooler June has enabled outside sitting. I've enjoyed it. Maybe a separate post for the peony pictures because they were so lovely, I took loads. 

I've been baking this weekend, ahead of teacher appreciation day. I don't bake so often these days and I don't write about it on here, but I will say that I made a mint version of the lemon curd recipe I discovered over 15 years ago. I think I had in my mind that a lovely mint curd would be like a slightly less cloying version of the centre of a Fry's peppermint cream bar. I couldn't find a recipe I liked, so I halved the OG lemon curd recipe and blended a fair old bunch of mint leaves with the sugar before I made it. This definitely worked, but the result is more toothpaste that peppermint cream. I might try mixing in some icing sugar before I put it in a cake. 

* be a trad wife if you want to. I am here for it. Feminism is all about women, and men, choosing what they want. But within that, don't tell other people that it's the better way to be. That's up to them to decide. 

Early Summer Goals

I tried to make this list a bit more about accountability and it was helpful. 

Not too shabby at all! I didn't manage seven gym trips; I didn't go on any Mondays. Letting myself off a bit. I was very close to seven but, meh. I also didn't make it to hot yoga because I bought a 10-class card that expires in September, so of course I didn't go even once. But meh, there's always this term. 

I've ticked a couple that others might not have done. I have sorted well over 100 things to donate (socks count as two - my rules) but they haven't left my house yet, I need to sort into ragging and wearable. I did make a start on this but I need to do one last sort before I end up taking holey socks to the charity shop. Did I do an hour of dissertation work every day? No. I tried to on every day that I could, though. Sometimes it was just staring. But it has, thank goodness, all started to come together, thanks to my week in the libraries of Oxford last week. I am horrified that the first draft is due in under 8 weeks but this no longer feels completely unachievable. Also - it may be awful for the next 8 weeks but, after that, it will be basically done. 

I finished my research, hurrah! I did lovely things like catching up with my coursemates at a lecture in Oxford and the Macfarlane lecture and Wonderwool and Powis Castle. 

I returned to the quarry for a swim, first time in nearly a year, it made me sad I don't go as often these days. But it has been winter so, yknow. And I have found the local sauna now and that is not the same but very good in its own way, and cheaper, and closer to home. 

I've been reflecting on whether I need a list for this term. I don't think I do. It is going to be too chaotic between the marking and the end of the school year and the dissertation. I have written myself an impossible schedule of work to follow and so my goal is really just to stick as close to that as I can, because this will make for a happier summer. 

But I will be thinking of nice things to put on my summer holiday list - of that you can be assured. 

2026 Week 21

The best part of this week was undoubtedly waking at 5.20am on Saturday, thinking it was a work day, then doing my usual slow mental processing - have I taught that yet? have I had that meeting? - until I figured out it was all done and the week was over. And that meant the term was over too. And back to sleep I went. 

Actually, it's a bit harsh calling that the best moment when I managed to get Mr Z to go out to dinner with me and it's not even our wedding anniversary. Mr Z has been struggling with a swollen and painful knee; this week he actually went to the hospital, where they aspirated said knee and gave him a leg brace, so he can at least hobble around, but isn't able to drive again yet. Nevertheless, he accompanied me to local Bristol eatery Wilson's for a tasting menu, based on food produced on their farm 20 miles out of Bristol, that offered an accompanying non-alcoholic flight - what a treat for those of us who were driving. The whole meal was really special and even more so because they offered non-fish alternatives for Mr Z, on account of his aversion to creatures of the sea. Highly recommended. I'd love to go back in the autumn. 

So that was the best moment, then the realising it was Saturday, then the swim in the quarry on Saturday morning, my first since October. It was nearly 17 degrees and the sun came out just as I arrived. I had forgotten how much I enjoy being in the cold. It was a bit brisk for the first leg but, by the end, I didn't want to get out. My body retained that chill for a very pleasant half an hour after I left, which was most welcome in the heat. 

I went to Oxford for an evening on Thursday, which was a bit mental but I had a good time. There was a lecture about assessment and AI (which was excellent but turned out to be a bit depressing) and a few of my coursemates met, plus the first years were finishing up their fortnight so I got to meet a couple of them as well. One of them works for the same exam board as me, although she actually works for them in what sounds like quite a senior role, whereas I'm just a lowly contractor. It was good to have a brief chat with her, though. You never know when I might be applying for a job there. 

I made progress on my lit review. It is slow going but I think it is getting there now. I have to turn it in tomorrow night and need to keep reminding myself that the whole point is to get feedback on how to improve it, so it doesn't have to be perfect when I hand it in. 

I finished reading Is a River Alive? which was as good as I might have expected. It wasn't quite Underland levels of good but...well, maybe it was in places. It has sparked off a whole new idea for a scheme of learning, about colonialism and rivers in India. I was also bereft when it ended, which is the sure sign of a gripping book.

I put about 10 rows onto the new jumper: it's a bit warm now to be thinking about jumpers but it will be quick if I can make myself do it. Mr Z and I started season 2 of The Pitt. I cast around listlessly for something easy and quite to watch but found nothing, so there wasn't much more TV this week. No more audiobook, either. Brain is still a bit full. 

2026 Week 20

Another one of those weeks that I crashed through at speed, without really noticing. Exams began. Work was definitely done but I can't remember much of it. I continued to read Is A River Alive? and it saved my bacon a little on Friday. I added nothing to the knitting project but I did manage more of Anxious Generation and now only have an hour or so of listening left, and it also inspired me to an activity for school that was helpful so that was good. 

The reading I've been doing for the dissertation has begun to coalesce and I need to spend the greater part of today trying to get that into something that resembles an essay. I'm getting annoyed at myself now for just not settling to it. I have to turn something in (let's hope for 2000 words) after next weekend so I really need to avoid the tears of an eleventh hour grind but I am not confident in my ability to do so. I did finally bite the bullet and ask my 'book friends for help with interviews and they are going to come good so I will at least manage to get that part done this week, I hope. 

Enough of that - the best part of my week was undoubtedly going to Newcastle for the annual conference I go to. I flew because it was cheap and quick. There was some guilt, especially on the way back when I was the only person seated in the front four rows, but I did get the train to skiing in February so that can be my swap. Also I did see two rainbows from the plane on the way. 

The conference was good. I did my usual trick of spending basically the whole thing with the same two people but I really only see them at this event so I am not going to worry about that: I always feel I should be more sociable because I know so many people at the conference, but ultimately that's not what I prefer to do, so there it is. We stayed up much too late at the bar, for two nights this time, and we WON the history quiz! By half a point! Since we did a challenge over one point before we knew how close it was going to be, which was successful, I am not sure it was the fairest result, but we did win. Woohoo! I used to run this quiz with my friend Rich (pinnacle was 2023 when Mary Beard was on one of the teams) so it is pleasing to get to win it for once. 

The sessions were all really good. I realised that the one I was running was an hour, not the 50 minutes I had planned, hence my unplanned reading from my current book, but this went down well and has actually inspired me to a project for next conference. The problem with being a senior leader is that I don't do curriculum work and next year I won't be teaching anything new, so it is hard to generate something that other people might want to hear about and, although I'd love it, I can't just keep talking about assessment every time. But, as always seemed to happen, a few ideas from disparate sources came together and now I have an idea and have recruited a geography guru to help me with it, though when I am going to manage it is anybody's guess. 

Maybe my favourite thing was the walking tour and the wildlife, though. I heard at last week's bird talk that Newcastle is the furthest inland that kittiwakes nest and I can confirm that they basically own the city - at least the bit I saw. The workshops all took place in rooms overlooking the bridge and I was horribly distracted by the constant bird traffic, as they built nests and went out for food. They were noisy when I was able to get outside, too, and also digging up chunks of turf and soil to build said nests from the bank outside the hotel. I wouldn't have known a kittiwake from a regular gull last week, and my discussions with other people about them (basically anybody who would listen, I was obsessed) revealed that I am not alone in this, but I can report that they have black legs and black wingtips, and are not as large as you might expect a 'regular' gull (whatever that is) to be. I downloaded the Merlin app and it confirmed my sighting, though. 

Bit blurry because of the zoom but she had a great nesting site. 

So yes - I observed hundreds of kittiwakes, some little rabbits, a great tit living in a hole in a wall behind the big letter S. There was a Millennium Bridge tilt. We went to a library and I saw a picture of a Victorian spiritualist, surrounded by a garland that had reportedly been constructed for him by a spirit he contacted in a seance, I love this sort of thing, it is so of its time. I asked for a selfie with a stag dressed as Cher, at the behest of his friends. I sweet-talked the hotel reception into letting me use the sauna after the conference was over, even though I'd checked out: note to self, remove the metal earrings if it's going to be a hot one, I have blisters on my earlobes now, what an idiot. And at least two people came up to me to gush about how my work has helped them in some way, an experience I never cease to find astonishing and incredibly humbling. There are a few key reasons why I love this conference but enjoying my celebrity status* is probably on that list. 

One more week of school and then I am off to Oxford for a week and then it's term 6, which is basically not even a thing. Oh and all the marking. And another conference to present at. But it will be over quickly. I keep waking up and thinking about my dissertation but woke up this morning to the epiphany that the time will pass very quickly and it will be done, even if I don't enjoy it, so it's not really something to carry stress about. I enjoy a lot of my life. I don't have to enjoy all of it, all of the time. 

* it's preposterous to call it this but, in a very small community, not inaccurate. 

Tales of Toxic Independence

A while ago, I read about the concept of toxic independence, where a person goes out of their way to avoid asking for or accept help, even when they need it and it would be willingly offered. This is likely rooted in some kind of trauma from younger years. I don't want to think too hard about that part because this is a trait I have really started to see reflected in myself. 

So - today's tale. I was hauling my little cart of archive materials to a classroom for our after school archive club. I bought the little cart so I don't have to keep borrowing the caretakers' cart. I brought it to the room, which was up a small flight of three steps. Somebody passed. 'Do you want a hand? It's not very heavy, we can lift it up.' 'No, no,' I replied, 'I'll be fine.'

For, at the top of the steps, I had long noted a couple of eyelets - it was clear to me that the platform lifted up and, I decided, it was going to be a ramp. I would just wheel the cart up. No need for anyone to help. 

I positioned myself behind the eyelets and prized them out. I yanked hard - one side came free, but the other was stuck. Repeat but the other side came free. I decided it must have been a long time since anybody did this. Nobody knows it's here! I thought. I wiggled myself into a better position, channelled all my deadlift training and yeeted the ramp up, whereupon it became obvious that it was not a ramp but a hatch, concealing a dark pit that had clearly not seen sunlight for at least half a century, and into which my phone had tumbled, thrown out of my pocket by the force of my yeeting. 

At exactly this point, the caretaker appeared around the corner. Sometimes the universe messaging is just too strong to ignore, so I allowed him to retrieve my phone since he was not wearing a skirt ('Not today, anyway,' he replied) and there was the filth of ages in the pit. He resealed it, and whatever plagues were threatening to waft free, for probably another century. 

This could have all been avoided if I'd accepted the offer of help in the first place. I sheepishly requested help to get the cart back down at the end of the session. 

You really think I'd have learned by now but no. 

Tuesday Ten

Ten booked trips to look forward to

1. Newcastle, this very weekend, for the usual conference. I'm flying. I feel ridiculous but it was under £30 and under an hour. I've never been to Newcastle before, only through it on the train. 

2. Oxford, half term. I have to write as much dissertation as possible. It will also be my last library tour. 

3. Within that, London, for one evening. I'm going to see Cynthia Erivo play all the parts in Dracula. I booked this on a whim and I'm now really excited about it. 

4. Birmingham, for a work conference. I debated putting this on the list but I needed a tenth and I quite like Birmingham, there's a really good sushi place near the station. Undoubtedly the trust will try to book our hotel and there might be some dismal networking dinner but I might go rogue and book myself a spa hotel, make an occasion out of it. 

5. London - the haircut days. I've scheduled this for right after my first draft hand in date. My friend B and I are going to Ham House, I think I'll go to St Paul's, an exhibition at the V&A, the bathing pond on Hampstead Heath. Maybe Borough market. I booked a spa hotel (a running theme). 

6. The anniversary trip. Mr Z and I reach 20 years this summer! I am planning to use the spa voucher Sib gave me for Christmas to have an overnight at a hotel in the Cotswolds. We didn't get away last summer due to Mother Z's decline, so it will be a real treat. 

7. The big summer holiday. Zoe and I are off to Poland, Slovakia and Hungary. Maybe a day in Austria, too. After this, I have to get my passport renewed, so I'm not booking anything for October half term but my brain keeps revisiting possibilities. 

8. Hythe. Mother Hand grew up in Hythe so we are off there for August bank holiday weekend with Sib and the niblings. 

9. Portsmouth, for a school reunion. It's early September, a lovely time of year for such a thing but appallingly close to the final hand-in date for the dissertation. 

10. Christmas marketing in Germany. I thought I would venture a bit further afield than London for my Christmas haircut trip this year. We're getting the train to Aachen (more spa) and having a day in Cologne. I'm recruiting knitting club people to come along, we're up to four so far. I've only ever been to Berlin, so I'm looking forward to this. 

I do get around. How exciting. 

2026 Week 19

I have done much this week in pursuit of the life part of my miserable work-life balance. This has left me a little twitchy and feeling behind (so I'm writing this instead of moving on with any of my to-do list) but I have enjoyed it and find myself yearning for the future date - I've decided it's the end of September - when 'everything' is done and I can get through weekends without a crushing doom-like feeling of things left unfinished. 

I'm overstating it. It's not really that bad. It's just like a low-level unease. I had a conversation with the head this week, in which she asked how the dissertation was going, and then said that she'd handed hers in (she's been doing a part-time undergrad degree the entire time I've known her) and it had necessitated locking herself in her bedroom for 3 days and a lot of crying. This is a foreshadowing, I fear. Three days is optimistic for me, too, because mine is double the length. 

Anyway - I did manage to get a sense of how my lit review will look and I carried out another interview this week and have another tonight - just one more pair to find; I need to make a plan of what I will do each evening because, though I come to work on it every day, that work is pretty useless because I have not structured my plan. I have two more weeks and then a week in Oxford: I need to make that week as productive as possible, so some legwork needs to be done. 

Meanwhile, I'm trying to rework the presentation I gave with my colleague in April, for a conference next weekend; work on the coaching course I'm doing through school; and work on school things. The marking is ebbing, thankfully, as we are so close to the exams now, but the end isn't really in sight yet. I also need to figure out how I want marking season to go from June. Make a list, make a list, make a list!

(I paused here to make a list). 

So, what did I do in pursuit of life, amid this bin fire of work pressures?

The best thing was Friday night, when I went to London for one evening to hear Robert Macfarlane and Jackie Morris talk about their new book, The Book of Birds. I am such a fan of Macfarlane and I am also (as he might say) 'a bit birdy' so this was a real treat. I couldn't find that they were speaking anywhere else and, when I weighed up how I might feel about not seeing it compared to how I felt about the fuss and expense of going to London for the evening, there was no contest. And I have no regrets. The talk was accompanied by huge versions of Jackie's beautiful artwork of birds and included readings from the book itself. I find Macfarlane's writing to be so absorbing, it's like he's writing non-fiction in the style of fiction and his are consistently non-fiction I actually want to read in paper form, rather than as an audiobook, which is quite rare. The Book of Birds is a little different in that there are rhymes in it, so it is sort of like poetry and sort of like prose. I thought it went really well with the images. Their relationship is also delightful and I really enjoyed their banter. 

I went along with my friend B, who's been my friend since the OG exam board job in 1999, who I love catching up with, who I never see quite often enough. We went for Japanese food first and nearly chatted our way past the start of the talk. He was less inspired by the readings but enjoyed the talk. I'm also pretty certain I saw Mel Giedroyc as I was exiting the bathroom. I did that awful thing of seeing her, double taking, realising it probably was who I thought it was, deciding I wouldn't ask, then realising I was pretty much blocking her entrance to said bathroom during this whole thought process and awkwardly scuttling out of the way. I expect she gets a lot of that. 

I had to run for the train home but it was 2 hours from the Royal Geographical Society, where the talk was, to my own front door, which was pretty pleasing. I once went to a lecture with B when I got the coach to London and back for one evening, which was possible because it was in the holidays and cost under a tenner, but was a long, long time to spend on a coach. I'm richer in money and poorer in time, now. We've decided we're going to go to Ham House to see if there might be some ham in it, in July, when I go to get my hair cut. The summer hair cut days are shaping up nicely - Ham House, Hampstead Heath bathing pond, Schiaparelli exhibition. I just need one more thing to do. 

As well as this adventure, I have been devouring Macfarlane's Is a River Alive? which I have been flirting with for a number of months now, but have reached the halfway point of. I watched all of the episodes of Rooster and Euphoria - Euphoria as bleak as before and I'm annoyed with myself for starting it before it is all out, but I had watched so many clips on Facebook that I was in danger of ruining it. I recorded Wuthering Heights to watch but I am putting it off because the length of time for a film feels like a bit commitment. 

No audiobook progress because my brain needs some time when it can navel-gaze. I also sacked off yoga and did not manage to motivate myself into the gym on BH Monday, but I did get to the sauna on Tuesday. I keep looking at my late spring list and trying to work out when I can squeeze in two hot yoga visits; I definitely can't. But I will keep trying. 

I have divided for the arms on my latest knitting project and wound some more yarn. The first ball of yarn got me to half a row before the armhole division so I am feeling quite confident that I will have enough for the whole jumper. It's the most amazing, saturated blue and I can't believe that it's not rubbing away on my hands - what an excellent dye job. 

Throwaway Thursday - Miss Selfridge body spray

An occasional series that I might also title, 'Things in my house that are basically rubbish but I am a borderline hoarder and cannot bring myself to throw them out'. The idea is to memorialise such things here and then bin them for good.

Another scent memory: Miss Selfridge body spray, in Heart. 

I was never massively into body spray. We all had a thing for Impulse O2, obviously, being 90s children, but even then I was fairly sparing in my application. I have strong memories of Zoe standing and spraying herself in a circular motion, like she was creating a tornado of the scent, which is probably why that scent is just an immediate transport back to that time (or would be, if it were still available). But as a very sweaty person, I was mainly using Right Guard in some less overpowering scent, in a desperate attempt to stop my arm pits from soaking all my outfits - a fight I have long since given up on. 

Thus, I don't really remember using this body spray. It's about a third full. I loved Miss Selfridge cosmetics and still appreciate the aluminium packaging, which might bear responsibility for the scent lasting as long as it has. I have no idea what the scent is, but it takes me back to late 90s, possibly as I was moving out of home at 17, living in a bedsit in London and going clubbing with my boyfriend's friends every week; maybe even a bit later, and uni. 

It smells of vanilla and then maybe a bit fruity, like jelly sweets, or maybe something a bit floral (I'm terrible at doing scent notes) - it isn't exactly edible but it smells vaguely juicy. It is funny that I have held on to it for so long because, I have to say, sniffing it doesn't flood me with a happy feeling. I don't know what it is. That gap year before uni was not my happiest year, so I guess that would kind of make sense. 

Just had a full on stare for a couple of minutes, thinking of those nights out that this scent probably accompanied. Thank god, thank all deities, that digital cameras and social media were not a thing. I'd either have had a lot less fun at the time, due to a shred of self-preservation; or (more likely) I'd have had a lot less fun afterwards, when it all went up online. 

The Remains of 13 Wonderwools

I'm not really about shame, but felt I should document what I have bought at Wonderwool in previous years and never used. Some years, I burn through the stash pretty quickly - this seems to be the years when I have very particular plans for the yarn and/or it's to knit things for other people. Other years, so little has been made that I start to edge towards that aforementioned shame. 

I've learned that I almost always knit up my fivemoons yarn but that I have never (that I can recall) knitted up anything I've bought from Knitwitches, which is a shame, because her yarn was always glorious. A quick riffle through my projects reveals I have knitted a cowl with some of her yarn, but it was purchased at Fibrefest so isn't in any of my stash lists for Wonderwool. 

Anyway, I must stop procrastinating my dissertation work. There are no pictures so this is going to be a bit dull for you, but if you click on the Wonderwool tag you can see all my posts with pictures, to show the offending items. 

2010: 

• 3 skeins of grey camel/silk blend from Knitwitches
• 1 skein of blue cashmere laceweight, also Knitwitches
• 1 skein of pink alpaca silk cashmete from Artyarns

2012: 

• Many buttons
• Some red Knitwitches merino-angora blend, probably DK
• 2 skeins Blue Heron sparkly yarn - I did wind this and start something but it never made it much past the cast on

2013:

• More buttons
• 1 skein of plain sock yarn and 1 skein of Jawoll rainbow for some colourwork socks I have never made
• 2 skeins of Artisan linen/silk laceweight - wound, cast on and sitting in a project bag for about a decade
• A couple of skeins of brown Laalbear worsted - I have knitted two project with this yarn, so sort of doesn't count, but some remains
• 2 balls of Bigwigs angora/merino blend

2014:

• Obviously more buttons
• Roving - 400g; for thrumming, not yet done 
• 1 skein fivemoons Nanna Not Sock 
• Artesano BFL DK, 11 skeins in navy 
• A couple of skeins of Laalbear Naturals in cream - same as above, I have knitted a project with some of this
• 4 skeins Knitwitches Seriously Gorgeous BFL/Silk/Cashmere
• 1 skein Knitwitches aran silk 

2015:

• I'm just going to stop saying buttons
• 500g aran cashmere from Knitwitches

....and that's all that's left from 2015! Proud. 

2016:

• Buttons
• 5 skeins of green Triskelion
• 4 skeins of a blue blend DK from Owl About Yarns - I wound this but I have been putting off using it because I'm afraid it might have been mothed. It's in a bag with some moth strips
• 1 Zauberball

2017:

• 1 ball of Pook in a long gradient

2018:

• A few buttons
• 2 skeins of Riverknits 4-ply in Starry Night
• 1 rainbow gradient set, also from Riverknits

2019:

• 1 more skein of that Riverknits Starry Night so I had enough for a jumper (plan well-conceived...)
• 1 Riverknits blue gradient set
• 1 skein of delicious beige Triskelion 4-ply. The plan was (is?) to use this to make a shawl, with the blue gradient

2022:

• 2 skeins of Woolly Wumpkin very saturated red 4-ply
• 20 50g skeins of fivemoons grey 4-ply

2023:

• A Latvian mitten kit - this is OTNs and is sort of my current project (along with the other current project)
• A skein of DK Merino from Penrhallt Alpacas
• A sale grab bag of 5 skeins from fivemoons.
• A skein of DK merino from Lay Family yarns and a matching pom pom, to make a hat for the SIL - I have decided that SIL is not knitworthy, so I need to find someone else to make this hat for 
• Some rainbow yarn - two teeny skeins for adding a single rainbow stripe to the cuffs of some socks or mittens, and a ball of DK for some mitts

2024: 

• The yarn for a 4-ply jumper for Mr Z
• The needle-felting kit

2025:

• Some neons with a UV nep from Sealy MacWheely
• A Starry Nights minis set from the Yarn Artist
• 2 skeins of bird yarn from Mothy and Squid in the robin colourway - wound, sitting in a bag somewhere
• A 45 colour cashmere kit (plus the undyed for swatching) that will knit into a three-dimensional shawl

Wonderwool 2026

A rough count seems to indicate this was the 12th weekend away at Wonderwool, 14th visit in total. As this was their 20th anniversary show, I feel fairly accomplished - because of the missing in-person ones for covid, I calculate that as 19 shows since 2006, so I've only missed five. And I have the stash to prove it. 

As noted previously, I sacked it off on Saturday morning for a slightly disappointing visit to Powis Castle (may have to be repeated next year if the Clive museum has reopened by then), so I didn't get to the show until after 2pm on the Saturday, had a bit of a walk round, ate an ice cream and then left. It was positively hot inside the halls, which was a change for most other years. I had nothing for show and tell in the evening and wondered, might this be the year when I actually don't buy anything? 

But no. The ghosts of Wonderwool past haunted me: the rare occasions when I hadn't bought something and then regretted it, because I never saw it again. So I made some informed choices for Sunday and came home with this little haul. 

From the left:

• A kit to knit two otters and a pattern book from Sincerely Louise. What a delightful stall. I had a good chat with the artist and her partner on both days, all about Game of Wool and her famous octopus, featured on Tom Daly's shoulder. There were too many kits I wanted but the otters won. The word on the street is that she might have pigeons next year. 
• Top middle - a block printed silk scarf from a clothing stand called Running Stitches. They did well out of us as April bought a jacket from there on the Saturday that sent most of us running to the stall to see what she had the next day. 
• Middle middle - 18 mini skeins from Wee Yarns. They had 150 colours laid out in baskets, it was just divine. The package on the right is a pre-organised fade that I bought to knit a scarf for our Brazilian cleaner at work; the one of the left is an orange fade I put together myself, plus a couple of greens. The greens are part of my seemingly unending quest to find the right green yarn to go with some brown sportweight I took out of Kat's stash last year. 
• Bottom middle - three skeins from Sealy McWheely. The middle one is navy with a copper glimmer: very unusual, and the thing I decided on Saturday night that I would be most sad not to get hold of. I went straight back on Sunday morning and she only had one skein left! Four in the DK, so I did dither for a while, but then decided I probably don't want a whole jumper of sparkle, so I bought some plain navy for striping. 
• If you look closely at the top skein of the navy, you'll see a little vintage pearl-handled pin sticking out. 
• Top right - project bag from An Caitin Beag. It has a contrast cat lining. In the middle there is also a pin from her stand that says 'Deeds not purrs'. 
• Middle right - a needle felting kit to make three robins. I had decided against this, as I still have the needle felting kit for the door wreath from 2024, but then someone pointed out I could add robins to the wreath and I also remembered that, this October half term, I WON'T be working on a Masters, so I bought it. There's also a teeny notion purse and a crab brooch. 
• Bottom right - a kit from An Caitin Beag to make a cowl. It's the softest thing. This was originally meant for the cleaner but I like to have options. 

Given that I donated three bags of yarn to the Air Ambulance stall, I think this probably represents a net loss from my stash. Proud. 

Close up of the glimmer yarn, because so pretty. 

2026 Week 18

There isn't a great deal to say about this past week. It's bank holiday weekend and I'm trying to work on my dissertation but not being very focused. I have, at least, managed to set up a few more interviews so that is one less thing to do - by next Sunday I should have 9 in the bag, of a target of 10-15, so I am close to completing that part of the research. You know, the actual research part of it. 

We finished watching season 1 of The Pitt but don't really want to start season 2 until more episodes are released. I liked it but I felt there were some quite big holes in the plot, or rather, circles that were never completed. I also finished reading The Last Song of Penelope which was very satisfying, I loved the trilogy. I didn't touch my knitting all week but went to group yesterday and cast on for an Isabell Kramer pattern in some 2019 Wonderwool DK; I started something in it last weekend but decided the neckline was going to be way too wide so I went through the Kramer archive because her necklines are always so cleverly constructed. 

I am feeling like this might be my actual favourite time of year. I find it impossible to choose, but this very narrow window of May, when the blossom is ending but everything green is just like HELLOOOOOO and all plant life just seems swollen with brand new freshness, it's so lovely. Both our peony plants look like they're going to flower the year, for the first time ever - I think I planted them in 2021 so it has been a minute. The healthier of the two shot up to fence height in a matter of days; the other one, which began life in a pot and was then planted in the most barren bit of ground in the garden, has been pretty quick too. 

Just to add to my middle-aged stereotype, I've also been having a clear out. I decided to put 'donate 100 items' on my termly to-do list so that involves going through things like my underwear drawer, where there are rich pickings shoved to the back. Socks count as two if they're a pair (my game, my rules) and I also found nine odd socks that are never going to be reunited with their sole mates. I'm going to cut some of them up to be board rubbers. 

I did say that there wasn't much to say about this week. 

2026 Week 17

I was really on the struggle bus with work this past week. I did not want to be there, an issue exacerbated by the fact that BOTH events that would have seen me elsewhere for one day were cancelled. I suppose this made things easier, at least the second, Birmingham-based one but...hrmph. I have decided the grump was due to being tired from a week in Iceland and it being my much less preferred timetable week...but it might be the last time I have to teach it through, since the next one will have a bank holiday in it and the next one will be well into exam season. 

I realised, when I put my out-of-office on for the course I'm at tomorrow (allegedly), that I must not have missed a day of school since before Feb half term. A record! Although maybe this is also why I'm somewhat over it. 

Hobbies continued. I half-heartedly picked away at the Latvian mitten I am reknitting since it was working up too tight. Now I am slightly concerned it will be too loose but, meh. We'll see. I wound a gorgeous blue skein over the weekend to start another jumper but then lost confidence in my planned modification almost immediately after cast on, I think it would end up being much too wide in the neck, so I have stopped again. Mr Z and I continued watching The Pitt; I've nearly finished The Song of Penelope; I'm two-thirds of the way through Anxious Generation. I went to the sauna, yoga, a PT session and the gym twice. 

This weekend has been glorious Wonderwool - and it really was glorious, possibly the best weather we've ever had. The halls were actually a little bit too warm on Saturday afternoon, when I arrived. I committed heresy on Saturday morning by driving to Powis Castle for a visit first. Clive features heavily in the A-level course I teach and I have been very keen to go, but it is three hours' drive from here and I just don't think Ginge would put up with it. 

Powis was indeed beautiful but I was gutted to discover that the Clive museum was closed for essential works. No mention of this on the website. I made do with touring the rest of the house, but the vibe is very much, 'We've had to give you our house but we are very unhappy about it so will seriously limit your access' (see also: St Michael's Mount) and so everything was dark and difficult to access. Not really a problem, I enjoyed it a lot anyway. I will have to repeat visit, thanks to not being able to get into the Clive section yesterday. There's not much mention of the man himself around the rest of the place, even the portraits of his parents aren't labelled (I had to ask), but there was this statue, connected to him:

This is a 1st century Roman statue of a cat, apparently very rare because cats aren't often featured in Roman art. Clive bought this as a gift for his wife in the year that he died. I've been having fun imagining the subtext to this as a gift. Was he just trying to find the rarest and most expensive present he could? Heaven knows he could afford it. But I feel like there's a slight air of 'you're emasculating me'. 

Separate Wonderwool post to follow, with the goodies. I was very restrained this year. I gave far more to the Air Ambulance stall than I bought and I didn't buy anything at all on Saturday, very unusual for me. In the end, though, there were a few bits I just couldn't pass by. 

Spring 2 Goals

 

It's been a bit trickier to come up with good things to go on my termly goals list since Christmas. I find I am filling it with things I am going to do, rather than things I want to achieve: it is therefore easy enough to complete most of the things on it. Trying to think about what might make good goals for the next term, a brief affair of only five weeks. 

Anyway. 

What didn't I do? I didn't get to the gym much. I did make it every Sunday I was at home, but no Mondays (except that one week when I got all the way into the changing room and realised I hadn't packed a top). It is definitely harder to motivate myself now that skiing is done. Perhaps I need a new fitness goal. 

I didn't finish an audiobook, either. My brain is just a bit full at the moment, I can't cope with much more than the same 20ish songs cycling round. I am listening to two that I'm really enjoying, but enjoyment is not enough to keep me concentrating. 

I did manage to finish a novel though (House of Odysseus). I made the sauna a regular treat, it is so lovely in the spring sunshine and there are a whole load of narcissus around the little pond they've made. I went to hot yoga twice, on Fridays: a super way to end the week. I bought myself a 10-class card so I really need to make this a more regular part of my routine...somehow. 

I went to blood donors after I'd had to cancel my previous appointment due to a cold. I was greeted at the front desk by an ex-student, so thank goodness I hadn't ticked 'yes' to any of the questionnaire questions, that could have been super awkward. I flew to Edinburgh for Steps, I took sequins even if I did not wear them - I did manage glitter eyeliner, and there were plenty of sequins in the production so I count that as a yes. I had a manicure for Mallorca and did my own pedicure; the owner of my local beauty shop has just lost her husband so the remaining staff are flat out and I felt guilty enough commandeering a long evening slot for the nails. 

Most proud achievement was doing the Friday night reset each week. I do all the washing up, clean up the kitchen and put all the week's clothes away. Mr Z seems to have cottoned on to this and there seems to be less to do in the kitchen in more recent weeks, so I have taken to trying to tidy/clean/dust something else in that time instead. I am still pining desperately for a cleaner (one of Mr Z's few red lines) but this is helping a little to make me feel happier about the state of Chez Z. 

2026 Week 16

And what a week it has been! I went to Iceland on a school trip, that most glorious type of trip: one that I was not in charge of. I spent my time 'bringing up the rear' which was my official job role every day. We went to waterfalls, beaches, extinct volcanoes, lakes, hot springs and a glacier. I made a snow angel, walked behind a waterfall, chased rainbows, inspected (and bought) yarn, admired jumpers, marvelled at geological features and took dozens of selfies. 

I even managed some hobbies. I finished the purple jumper I'd been knitting for this trip, so I did get a day's worth of wear out of it. It needs blocking as it is a little short on me: I added 5 extra rows but didn't want to run out of yarn, which seems to have been the correct choice. 

I started reading The Last Song of Penelope, the third in the trilogy from Claire North. I wouldn't normally read a follow up novel so quickly after the first, I tend to absorb too much of the writer's voice and it makes it come out in my own writing or speech, like a mimic, but I couldn't resist. The House of Odysseus has stayed with me, there was some cracking writing in that, but this one has got me right in the feels several times so far. I'm about halfway through. I carried on a little with the two audiobooks but this really needs to be a school commute thing, I think, and at the moment I am obsessively listening to Tame Impala's Dracula and a few other recent musics so I don't want to put an audiobook on.

Mr Z and I have been watching the first season of The Pitt. Nice to see Noah Wyle back as a doctor and it's different enough that I don't get Carter vibes. I see Euphoria is back for its third season; I am in two minds whether to watch it. I keep seeing people arguing online that it is shocking because 'that's what addiction looks like' but I'm not sure addiction looks as glamorous as it's made out to be. I think addiction looks more like groping in a toilet bowl, a la Trainspotting. But then, I guess I wouldn't know.

I forgot to say last weekend that I binged the whole of The Other Bennet Sister in the days in between trips. Very, very enjoyable. I loved the nods to the BBC's P&P - trying to blow out the candle in front of the mirror, having Hill played by Lucy Briers, who was Mary in the 1995 adaptation. Also the quite modern additions, like the terrible bird drawings, the stretching. I was so impressed that Mary's marital fate kept me guessing right up until the final reveal. Really artfully done. 

A couple of Iceland pictures to finish up:

I wore only dresses for the entire trip (with ski bibs over the top for the waterfall) because that is the sort of energy I bring these days. If Wordsworth's sister could climb Scafell Peak in a dress, I can definitely stroll down a path to a waterfall and climb up a volcano. 

Throwaway Thursday - wedding moisturiser

An occasional series that I might also title, 'Things in my house that are basically rubbish but I am a borderline hoarder and cannot bring myself to throw them out'. The idea is to memorialise such things here and then bin them for good. 

Look how foul this is. 

Witness: the thick layer of dust over the whole top of the bottle; the lid that seems to have split in a place other than where it should open; the apparently solid layer of moisturiser on top of the remaining cm on product. This slipped out from behind some other bottles on my bathroom storage last week and is now headed to the recycling. 

Where did this come from and why has it lasted so long?

When I got married, back in 2006, I was deep into the Lush forum life and doing mystery swaps for cosmetics in this country and the US. I believe this Bath and Body Works Peach Melba moisturiser arrived in one such swap; there is a chance that I bought it myself but it wouldn't necessarily be my first choice of scent, though I do love it. My first experience with B&BW was in 1998 when I went for Camp America, coming home with a thick body moisturiser in the scent Country Apple. I don't think I would have bought myself a lotion like this. 

This scent is quite heavily associated with my honeymoon. I've got a fair few things knocking around from that era that should be gone, really, but remain because of the scent association. On my wedding day, I had a long bath with a Lush Bottle of Bubbly, and washed and moisturised with B&BW Mango Sorbetto. I wore Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs Stardust perfume, both for the name (inextricably linked to the beginning of my relationship with Mr Z) and the fact it has white musk in it, of which Mr Z is a fan (tell me you grew up in the 80s without telling me). On honeymoon, I brought a Lush buttercream that smelled of roses and geranium (I think it was originally called Amandopondo) and this moisturiser. 

It all sounds quite overwhelming; hopefully it wasn't too much so for the people around me. I chose things very carefully, that I hadn't used much before, because I knew the scent memories would bring me back to that day. And they do. One sniff of this and I'm back in Lake Garda.

That's why it's not yet in the recycling. Honestly, it is so gross, but it does still smell of my honeymoon. How does one hold on to a scent? 

Also kind of miss the mystery swaps. I'd add them to my 'golden age of the internet' list. 

2026 Week 15

Welp, it's been the last week of term and the first week of the Easter break since I last managed to get a post up, so a fair amount of stuff has gone on. 

I limped through the end of term, much marking, some scheming, general end of term vibe where you are proverbially shaking the printer cartridge to eke out the very last sprinkling of toner. On Thursday night, I flew to Mallorca, where I repaired to a little hotel near the airport for the night, before collecting my rental car and heading on to the family villa on Friday morning. Our first family holiday since the IoW caravan in 1992. 

Mallorca was nice. Beaches, lunches, rock-pooling, a chef we hired to come one night and then invited back another night to do Argentinian barbecue, a heated pool with the kids, crafting, lots of cats. The odd squabble, obviously. I don't envy Sib his marriage. It was a lot of fun to spend the time with the niblings, though. I very much appreciate that feeling of being owned by a child, in the way that they climb on you and sit on your lap and press their face against yours and it's all just so normal. Very fun.

I returned from Mallorca on Monday evening, had one day at home and then headed to Sheffield for a geography conference, where I was speaking alongside the Head of Geog from school. We've done a little cross-curricular project together so that I could convince her to go to the conference and speak, she is very good but doesn't really appreciate how good she is. One of the exam board guys was there that I usually see every year at my own subject equivalent conference, so we had a good catch up and went to a very interesting session together; I was interested to note that (1) this conference seemed a lot more activist than my subject equivalent and (b) a lot of the issues are ones that might easily be solved if subject teams talked to each other a little more. I chose to stay in a lovely spa hotel I've stayed in before, so I got a couple of sessions in in the steam room and a swim or two. I ate exceptionally delicious Korean fried chicken two nights in a row. It was quite restorative. 

Though, I do feel the press of the dissertation at my back. I don't think I'm going to be able to get the first draft done for July in the way I want to. I am setting a challenge for myself to work on it for an hour every day over the next term, but, given that it's currently 'dissertation accountability hour' and I'm writing this instead, I am not sure if the self-discipline necessary to achieve that is going to present itself. We'll see. 

Some hobbies happened, as a result of the leisure. I finished Claire North's House of Odysseus, listened to a bit more of The Anxious Generation and started a new audiobook, The Human Planet, which is very engaging. I'm also ploughing through a bit more of Is A River Alive? so my brain is crammed full of lots of other people's words at the moment. 

I went to see Underland at the Watershed on Tuesday night: Underland might be my favourite book ever (definitely top 5) but I'd heard the film was more of a spin-off, so wasn't quite sure what to expect. It was indeed very different, focusing on three people who work underground, in Mexico, America and Canada. I was totally unprepared for the first scenes to be in Vegas. I still find scenes from Vegas make me a little sad, since Father Hand passed away. But it was a very good documentary, very moving in unexpected ways. It seemed that each person was dealing with a different temporality - Mexico past, searching for Mayan remains; Vegas present, looking at the way people live in the storm drains and what they leave behind; Canada future, working in a deep mine, looking for dark matter. It was very well put together. 

Anything else? Hmm. I am onto the sleeves of my latest knit; I hoped to finish it for Iceland but, since Iceland is now under 24 hours away, that seems ambitious. I'm off there at 6.30 tomorrow morning for a school trip. It is a holiday of trips and extremes of temperature: I managed to get a reasonable tan in Mallorca, where the temperature hovered around 20 degrees, but I fear that might all be sloughed away by the windy and wet conditions predicted at my next destination. It will be worth it, though. So excited to get eyes on Iceland again. 

2026 Week 13

If I had to sum up this week with a gesture, it would be a gentle shrug and sideways look. It's definitely close to the end of term - lots of the country broke up on Friday for Easter, but we have another week - and I have been somewhat in retreat, possibly because of my weekend of intense nerding, which did not set me up for a well-rested and active week. Plus it was my busy work week. I really do not like this timetable week. Only (I think) two more of them and then the exam classes will drop off. 

I continued to read the House of Odysseus, a bit; listen to The Anxious Generation, a bit; knit the purple jumper, a bit. I saw a coursemate from Oxford who has just moved into a flat up the road from school, was interviewed by another coursemate for her research, and had a meeting with my supervisor, so it felt like quite an Oxfordy week. A pity there was not more Oxfordy work, I really need to get into some discipline on that and very soon. 

I went to the trendy glasses shops on Park Street, intending to get some huge and chunky new frames, but in the end I left without ordering; I don't wear my glasses much these days, having eased myself back into contact lenses that I use with reading glasses at work. I probably need to dip my toe into the world of varifocals but it seems like a lot of hassle. I keep thinking I should look at laser eye surgery...as if that would be less hassle. 

Some nice things: I finished the course with my A-level students, this is the earliest I have ever managed it. The older and slightly simple gentleman who I often see sitting at the bus stop near school, but have not seen for many months, was back in situ on Friday when I nipped out for my Friday coffee treat and we had a little catch up. All my royalties arrived for the second half of the financial year. I had a bit of a wardrobe clear out so almost everything fits in the wardrobe now. I made packing lists for April - I'm going on four trips, all to very different locations and for very different purposes, so it is wise to be well-planned in advance. 

Roll on the first of those trips, starting this Thursday night. Woo. 

2026 Week 12

It was only a four-day work week this week; we had Friday as a twilight inset day in respect of Eid, so I went to Oxford on Thursday night to wrestle with the dissertation. This was a very wise decision and I managed to make a great deal of progress, not necessarily on the writing but certainly on the planning, reading, getting to grips with qualitative research and generally beginning to feel like this is going to be achievable. I got up early enough on both days to get my very favourite Rad Cam seat, which is in a very sunny morning spot, keeping me warm and cheerful. I had intended to study in the education library on Saturday but then discovered it was closed; so I visited there later on Friday afternoon to beg a renewal of a book and view the famous magnolia that was the inspiration for the department logo. 

I bumped into a friend form the history teaching world while I was there, always a pleasure. I had dinner in college on Friday night and with a course friend, Lin, on Saturday - we went to the Perch, on the other side of Port Meadow, which was in flood and full of horses during the beautiful sunset, as we walked over there. The way back was a much darker story, we had to do some deft manoeuvring out of the paths of some horses and one tall specimen was stood resolutely in front of the foot gate so we had to climb over the big gate to get out. I think he might have been the same one hanging his head over the fence in the hopes of stealing someone's chips as we'd come in. 

Anyway. It was lovely to catch up with Lin. She lives in Singapore but is doing a PhD (or DPhil as Oxford prefer it) and is back in Oxford for this term as she needed to resubmit her research plan. We had a good chat. She helped me think about some work things. I had a tough meeting with the head on Thursday and I need to undertake a support plan. The trust suggest (apparently) that this is because I am too nice: I am not holding people accountable when they don't do what I tell them to do. I have felt a bit meh about this since the meeting because I don't want to be that person that is running around putting everyone else on support plans and making them feel grim. But Lin pointed out that I can hold more of a critical friend perspective. Not at all a bad idea. I just need to work out how to do it. 

Thinking again, of course, about just quitting. Maybe this is my sign. Another sign. I don't mind the support plan as it confirms my suspicion that I'm not very good at this job (yet). It also proves that I really can't do all the things at once and do them well. But I'd rather go out on a high. And I have got a ski trip to run next year. 

So, I managed to cram quite a lot into the four-day week. I ran a second round of MSc interviews, attended an interview about a certain infamous Bristolian whose statue is now missing for some UoB students who are making a documentary, went to an evening history lecture and saw some ex-students (lovely), ran a long afternoon webinar about assessment while a colleague delivered the training I'd planned for my own staff, rushed to Oxford for the evening coaching call even though I hadn't managed to do the work. Went to the sauna. Went to the gym but then left because I hadn't packed a t-shirt....I am definitely not hitting my gym goal this month but I am not really minding. Last Sunday I had the embarrassment of missing the bracket when I tried to rerack my weight at the end of the third set of bench press, when I had absolutely nothing left to force the weight back up, so I had to call on a young man for help. The shame. This is what I get for feeling smug when the man at yoga offered me a strap I didn't need. This small incident at the gym left my shoulder an neck feeling quite pulled for the week but that did mysteriously clear almost as soon as I'd finished my Thursday webinar, so perhaps there was some stress in there as well.

I've been getting on with knitting the new purple jumper, which is going fast. I finished watching Lord of the Flies: I loved the 70s cinematography. I finished reading my Alanna books and finally picked up some real books, Robert MacFarlane's Is A River Alive? and back to Claire North's House of Odysseus, which I tried and failed to get through last year but which is flowing much better now, although of course I can no longer remember the finer points of the relationships between all the characters. 

I've booked a ticket to see Robert MacFarlane speak in London in May. It's fantastically indulgent because I will just go to London for one evening. But he's written a new book about birds and I just couldn't resist. 

2026 Week 11

Well, I guess I didn't get round to coming back last week. Last weekend I had quite significant work to do for both my exam jobs and I was also trying to plan a two hour online workshop I'm delivering this Thursday - it has taken waaaaaaay longer than it should have done and is still not finished, but I am hoping I will be invited back to deliver it again, in which case, the work will already have been done. I squeezed in a trip to knitting group, a walk into Waterstones to collect the new Penguin Monarchs Henry VII which is FINALLY OUT (eight years after I bought its other Tudor companions) and a quick gym visit, but other than that was fairly tied to the computer. 

Like I said, I enjoyed it. I enjoy all of those things. But this week has been one of constant reaching for the weekend and yesterday I spent two hours dozing in the sun on the sofa and reading a teen fiction and it was very much needed. I'm glad that I seem to have reached a place of better understanding about my limits so I can be a bit kinder to myself and not wonder why I'm unable to continue working effectively later on in the day, but I wish I could reach a better understanding of how much I am capable of doing. I call it playing the long game, because all of the extras will be continue to be the paid employment I need when (if) I ever give up my main job, but...is it really the long game if I'm never going to do that, I wonder. 

I have been toying with the idea of telling my boss in September that it will be my last year, but also have it in the back of my mind that I won't have a degree to do alongside work next year and it might therefore be better. So, we will see. 

Reading. I bought the new Henry VII book, as above, plus a newish Robert McFarlane about rivers; then I went to the library and brought home two new novels from there. So, naturally, all week I have been reading the Alanna/Lioness Rampant series that I first read as a teenager. They are so easy to work through that I can manage it even after a very long work day but I do struggle to stop, eg on Sunday I stayed up past midnight finishing the 4th one (which I read first...don't at me), which action probably also holds some responsibility for the kink in my week. I do like the series but, as I get older, I find the extremely concertinaed timeline of the later books more problematic ('She's never come to terms with it,' says Alanna's servant, a mere 4 weeks after the seismic event upon which the entire series turns...I am still digesting things I ate 4 weeks ago). I also fear Ms Pierce might be a white supremacist. I am afraid to Google her, in case she is depicted at a fascist rally. The baddies in this series are almost all 'swarthy' or 'dark-skinned' while the whiteness of the goodies' skin is remarked upon often, and I never noticed it as a child. Perhaps she didn't either. Context of the time and all that. 

Watching. Having finished Under Salt Marsh, I was casting around for something equally engaging to watch and came across Task, which I powered through this week. I like an-episode-a-night but, when something is as good as Task, I get nostalgic for the bygone years of one episode a week. There's something in the wait, where you digest and turn over the episode in your mind while waiting for the next one, that enriches the whole experience. I can just barely amass the will-power to stick to one episode a night but do not have it in me to put it off for a week. 

Anyway. Task was one of those rare American dramas where the obvious clues that I always think are so obvious they're red herrings actually ARE red herrings, and the storyline is so complex that I have to spend some time thinking about how it all fits together (hence missing the wait) because it's not all laid out for me. Very definitely NOT two-screen TV and I had to rewind a few times when I forgot this and picked up my phone. Hence, very enjoyable. I very much appreciated that there was no clear good guy/bad guy line and that all the characters seemed to reside on both sides; that there was heavy, series finale energy in episode 6 but episode 7 brought more than just loose-end tying; that the sub-plot was really the main plot; that Martha Plimpton was in it, I LOVE her (all of the acting was superb, Mark Ruffalo especially, but I don't feel like Martha is in enough things so it was a real treat); and the birds. The scenery! I could have coped with a couple of the episodes being a minute longer if there had been bird-watching in that extra minute. This was a theme I felt was a bit under-developed, as a huge fan of birds. 

Knitting. I finished the watermelon cowl, I had it in mind to do a separate post about that, maybe I will. I started knitting a new version of this jumper in the purple yarn I bought at Wonderwool in 2017 - the watermelon gradient was also from 2017, coincidentally. Once it's used up, I will just be left with the cake from Pook and some linen I took out of Jenny's destash left to knit, from the 2017 haul. I might put Jenny's destash into my destash for this Wonderwool. I didn't realise it but I bought something very similar in 2024 and knitted that tank top out of it last summer. 

The new jumper is going quite well, I went up a needle size from the 2013 version because I've never been completely happy with how the neck lies on the original and I'd like a boxier fit; but this may turn out to be a huge mistake because the point of knitting this one in particular is because I can get a whole jumper out of 4 skeins of DK and I may not be able to do that on a bigger needle. BUT I had to significantly lengthen the original sweater so it wasn't midriff-exposing, suggesting my row gauge was off, so maybe it will work out. Otherwise it's going to be a midriff-exposing sweater, good for wearing over dresses. 

I've found it hard to get back to the gym in the same routine I was pre-skiing, maybe because I'm not preparing for skiing anymore, so I have only been once since half term (I'll be going again shortly), but I have found a Hotpod Yoga class I like. I am one the fence about the pod itself, it's a very noisy tent with all the blowers going and the ceiling is quite low; but I came along to a nurturing flow last week and liked it so much I rebooked for this week. It's a bit annoying that it's only 45 minutes but priced the same as an hour class, and I have to add nearly a fiver onto that for parking, but it was a very comforting and coddling way to end the week. Last week we were told we'd need a strap but, when it came to it, I did not need a strap as I can reach my toes in pretty much any forward-bending position (I think this is because I have a long body and short legs but my PT insists I have unusually flexible hamstrings so it's probably a bit of both, right?) The man next to me tried to give me his strap and I had to tell him I didn't need it, which was gratifying. 

A new hot yoga place has opened up the hill from work, where parking is not guaranteed but is free. I might check it out. I do still sorely miss bikram. 

2026 Week 10

It's been a very worky weekend, but I have enjoyed it.  

It hasn't left much time for blogging, though. Hopefully I will come back and update - my knitting progress, my new books, my TV watching and my return to hot yoga. 

2026 Week 9

"A whole week of holiday! It has felt longer than a week. We crammed a lot in."

Above is the single line I found of my update for Week 8 when I came back to blog today. Clearly got distracted, so I will make this as quick as I can. 

A busy work week, leading inset day on Monday and then some more training after school on Thursday, so the whole week was one of feeling tense and on the back foot. I was also, at least for the first two nights, absolutely exhausted, going to bed at 9.30 on Monday night, unable to keep my eyes open, and not much later on Tuesday, having fallen asleep on the sofa. I did give blood on Monday night which, combined with a busy half term and aforementioned tension, probably created the perfect narcoleptic storm, but it was not at all useful for getting All The Things done for work. Still. I muddled through. 

I got to leave at breaktime on Friday and fly to Edinburgh to see Jen and the fam for the first time in over three years: a horrifying amount of time has passed and her oldest is now nearly learning to drive. I feel like I think about my age and aging more than is normal but this really makes me appalled about how much time has passed. 

Anyway. It was a mess up by easyJet that had me out of school so early, they apparently changed my flight time from 5.40pm to 1.40pm, though the original flight still seemed to be operating so I am a bit annoyed about that, they clearly resold my original ticket for more money. Luckily I didn't have to miss any lessons so I was in the pub with Jen by 3.30. A very pleasing start to the weekend. 

On Saturday, we went for a chilly walk around South Queensferry (very bourgie, I can definitely see a yarn shop doing well there) and then went to see Here and Now, the Steps musical, in the evening. It was really, really Steps, in every way you might imagine. Loads of fun and all the hits, plus a mega mix at the end that got the whole balcony moving, an experience I haven't felt since Rocky Horror. 

Today, we went for a wander to the Scottish version of The Wave, a huge surfing complex that has opened in the quarry just behind Jen's house. And then I flew home. I decided to shell out for easyJet Plus membership when I realised I had seven flights booked with them: adding hand luggage and booking a seat on all of them cost more than the cost of membership, without considering any of the other benefits, so I went for it. This got me through fast track security at Edinburgh, so I was at my gate roughly 10 minutes after being dropped off. I know everyone hates the speedy boarders but I can't be sorry about it. 

I've been ploughing through The Raven's Head by Karen Maitland, suitably creepy; and I got through all of Under Salt Marsh. I was very put out when I got to the end of episode 5 on Thursday and realised there was another one to be released, I had to wait until today to watch it, but it was worth the wait. I enjoyed it a lot. 

I've been trying to finish the watermelon brioche cowl that I started knitting ages ago but it is just not very compelling. I need to have something fun and easy to knit next, a DK jumper or something that I can knit without looking at and will feel the need to complete before the Iceland trip in April. 

Spent much of the evening plotting a little trip to the German Christmas markets. I am getting the holidays stacked up this year, dreaming of life after the Masters.