Tales of Toxic Independence

A while ago, I read about the concept of toxic independence, where a person goes out of their way to avoid asking for or accept help, even when they need it and it would be willingly offered. This is likely rooted in some kind of trauma from younger years. I don't want to think too hard about that part because this is a trait I have really started to see reflected in myself. 

So - today's tale. I was hauling my little cart of archive materials to a classroom for our after school archive club. I bought the little cart so I don't have to keep borrowing the caretakers' cart. I brought it to the room, which was up a small flight of three steps. Somebody passed. 'Do you want a hand? It's not very heavy, we can lift it up.' 'No, no,' I replied, 'I'll be fine.'

For, at the top of the steps, I had long noted a couple of eyelets - it was clear to me that the platform lifted up and, I decided, it was going to be a ramp. I would just wheel the cart up. No need for anyone to help. 

I positioned myself behind the eyelets and prized them out. I yanked hard - one side came free, but the other was stuck. Repeat but the other side came free. I decided it must have been a long time since anybody did this. Nobody knows it's here! I thought. I wiggled myself into a better position, channelled all my deadlift training and yeeted the ramp up, whereupon it became obvious that it was not a ramp but a hatch, concealing a dark pit that had clearly not seen sunlight for at least half a century, and into which my phone had tumbled, thrown out of my pocket by the force of my yeeting. 

At exactly this point, the caretaker appeared around the corner. Sometimes the universe messaging is just too strong to ignore, so I allowed him to retrieve my phone since he was not wearing a skirt ('Not today, anyway,' he replied) and there was the filth of ages in the pit. He resealed it, and whatever plagues were threatening to waft free, for probably another century. 

This could have all been avoided if I'd accepted the offer of help in the first place. I sheepishly requested help to get the cart back down at the end of the session. 

You really think I'd have learned by now but no. 

Tuesday Ten

Ten booked trips to look forward to

1. Newcastle, this very weekend, for the usual conference. I'm flying. I feel ridiculous but it was under £30 and under an hour. I've never been to Newcastle before, only through it on the train. 

2. Oxford, half term. I have to write as much dissertation as possible. It will also be my last library tour. 

3. Within that, London, for one evening. I'm going to see Cynthia Erivo play all the parts in Dracula. I booked this on a whim and I'm now really excited about it. 

4. Birmingham, for a work conference. I debated putting this on the list but I needed a tenth and I quite like Birmingham, there's a really good sushi place near the station. Undoubtedly the trust will try to book our hotel and there might be some dismal networking dinner but I might go rogue and book myself a spa hotel, make an occasion out of it. 

5. London - the haircut days. I've scheduled this for right after my first draft hand in date. My friend B and I are going to Ham House, I think I'll go to St Paul's, an exhibition at the V&A, the bathing pond on Hampstead Heath. Maybe Borough market. I booked a spa hotel (a running theme). 

6. The anniversary trip. Mr Z and I reach 20 years this summer! I am planning to use the spa voucher Sib gave me for Christmas to have an overnight at a hotel in the Cotswolds. We didn't get away last summer due to Mother Z's decline, so it will be a real treat. 

7. The big summer holiday. Zoe and I are off to Poland, Slovakia and Hungary. Maybe a day in Austria, too. After this, I have to get my passport renewed, so I'm not booking anything for October half term but my brain keeps revisiting possibilities. 

8. Hythe. Mother Hand grew up in Hythe so we are off there for August bank holiday weekend with Sib and the niblings. 

9. Portsmouth, for a school reunion. It's early September, a lovely time of year for such a thing but appallingly close to the final hand-in date for the dissertation. 

10. Christmas marketing in Germany. I thought I would venture a bit further afield than London for my Christmas haircut trip this year. We're getting the train to Aachen (more spa) and having a day in Cologne. I'm recruiting knitting club people to come along, we're up to four so far. I've only ever been to Berlin, so I'm looking forward to this. 

I do get around. How exciting. 

2026 Week 19

I have done much this week in pursuit of the life part of my miserable work-life balance. This has left me a little twitchy and feeling behind (so I'm writing this instead of moving on with any of my to-do list) but I have enjoyed it and find myself yearning for the future date - I've decided it's the end of September - when 'everything' is done and I can get through weekends without a crushing doom-like feeling of things left unfinished. 

I'm overstating it. It's not really that bad. It's just like a low-level unease. I had a conversation with the head this week, in which she asked how the dissertation was going, and then said that she'd handed hers in (she's been doing a part-time undergrad degree the entire time I've known her) and it had necessitated locking herself in her bedroom for 3 days and a lot of crying. This is a foreshadowing, I fear. Three days is optimistic for me, too, because mine is double the length. 

Anyway - I did manage to get a sense of how my lit review will look and I carried out another interview this week and have another tonight - just one more pair to find; I need to make a plan of what I will do each evening because, though I come to work on it every day, that work is pretty useless because I have not structured my plan. I have two more weeks and then a week in Oxford: I need to make that week as productive as possible, so some legwork needs to be done. 

Meanwhile, I'm trying to rework the presentation I gave with my colleague in April, for a conference next weekend; work on the coaching course I'm doing through school; and work on school things. The marking is ebbing, thankfully, as we are so close to the exams now, but the end isn't really in sight yet. I also need to figure out how I want marking season to go from June. Make a list, make a list, make a list!

(I paused here to make a list). 

So, what did I do in pursuit of life, amid this bin fire of work pressures?

The best thing was Friday night, when I went to London for one evening to hear Robert McFarlane and Jackie Morris talk about their new book, The Book of Birds. I am such a fan of McFarlane and I am also (as he might say) 'a bit birdy' so this was a real treat. I couldn't find that they were speaking anywhere else and, when I weighed up how I might feel about not seeing it compared to how I felt about the fuss and expense of going to London for the evening, there was no contest. And I have no regrets. The talk was accompanied by huge versions of Jackie's beautiful artwork of birds and included readings from the book itself. I find McFarlane's writing to be so absorbing, it's like he's writing non-fiction in the style of fiction and his are consistently non-fiction I actually want to read in paper form, rather than as an audiobook, which is quite rare. The Book of Birds is a little different in that there are rhymes in it, so it is sort of like poetry and sort of like prose. I thought it went really well with the images. Their relationship is also delightful and I really enjoyed their banter. 

I went along with my friend B, who's been my friend since the OG exam board job in 1999, who I love catching up with, who I never see quite often enough. We went for Japanese food first and nearly chatted our way past the start of the talk. He was less inspired by the readings but enjoyed the talk. I'm also pretty certain I saw Mel Giedroyc as I was exiting the bathroom. I did that awful thing of seeing her, double taking, realising it probably was who I thought it was, deciding I wouldn't ask, then realising I was pretty much blocking her entrance to said bathroom during this whole thought process and awkwardly scuttling out of the way. I expect she gets a lot of that. 

I had to run for the train home but it was 2 hours from the Royal Geographical Society, where the talk was, to my own front door, which was pretty pleasing. I once went to a lecture with B when I got the coach to London and back for one evening, which was possible because it was in the holidays and cost under a tenner, but was a long, long time to spend on a coach. I'm richer in money and poorer in time, now. We've decided we're going to go to Ham House to see if there might be some ham in it, in July, when I go to get my hair cut. The summer hair cut days are shaping up nicely - Ham House, Hampstead Heath bathing pond, Schiaparelli exhibition. I just need one more thing to do. 

As well as this adventure, I have been devouring McFarlane's Is a River Alive? which I have been flirting with for a number of months now, but have reached the halfway point of. I watched all of the episodes of Rooster and Euphoria - Euphoria as bleak as before and I'm annoyed with myself for starting it before it is all out, but I had watched so many clips on Facebook that I was in danger of ruining it. I recorded Wuthering Heights to watch but I am putting it off because the length of time for a film feels like a bit commitment. 

No audiobook progress because my brain needs some time when it can navel-gaze. I also sacked off yoga and did not manage to motivate myself into the gym on BH Monday, but I did get to the sauna on Tuesday. I keep looking at my late spring list and trying to work out when I can squeeze in two hot yoga visits; I definitely can't. But I will keep trying. 

I have divided for the arms on my latest knitting project and wound some more yarn. The first ball of yarn got me to half a row before the armhole division so I am feeling quite confident that I will have enough for the whole jumper. It's the most amazing, saturated blue and I can't believe that it's not rubbing away on my hands - what an excellent dye job. 

Throwaway Thursday - Miss Selfridge body spray

An occasional series that I might also title, 'Things in my house that are basically rubbish but I am a borderline hoarder and cannot bring myself to throw them out'. The idea is to memorialise such things here and then bin them for good.

Another scent memory: Miss Selfridge body spray, in Heart. 

I was never massively into body spray. We all had a thing for Impulse O2, obviously, being 90s children, but even then I was fairly sparing in my application. I have strong memories of Zoe standing and spraying herself in a circular motion, like she was creating a tornado of the scent, which is probably why that scent is just an immediate transport back to that time (or would be, if it were still available). But as a very sweaty person, I was mainly using Right Guard in some less overpowering scent, in a desperate attempt to stop my arm pits from soaking all my outfits - a fight I have long since given up on. 

Thus, I don't really remember using this body spray. It's about a third full. I loved Miss Selfridge cosmetics and still appreciate the aluminium packaging, which might bear responsibility for the scent lasting as long as it has. I have no idea what the scent is, but it takes me back to late 90s, possibly as I was moving out of home at 17, living in a bedsit in London and going clubbing with my boyfriend's friends every week; maybe even a bit later, and uni. 

It smells of vanilla and then maybe a bit fruity, like jelly sweets, or maybe something a bit floral (I'm terrible at doing scent notes) - it isn't exactly edible but it smells vaguely juicy. It is funny that I have held on to it for so long because, I have to say, sniffing it doesn't flood me with a happy feeling. I don't know what it is. That gap year before uni was not my happiest year, so I guess that would kind of make sense. 

Just had a full on stare for a couple of minutes, thinking of those nights out that this scent probably accompanied. Thank god, thank all deities, that digital cameras and social media were not a thing. I'd either have had a lot less fun at the time, due to a shred of self-preservation; or (more likely) I'd have had a lot less fun afterwards, when it all went up online. 

The Remains of 13 Wonderwools

I'm not really about shame, but felt I should document what I have bought at Wonderwool in previous years and never used. Some years, I burn through the stash pretty quickly - this seems to be the years when I have very particular plans for the yarn and/or it's to knit things for other people. Other years, so little has been made that I start to edge towards that aforementioned shame. 

I've learned that I almost always knit up my fivemoons yarn but that I have never (that I can recall) knitted up anything I've bought from Knitwitches, which is a shame, because her yarn was always glorious. A quick riffle through my projects reveals I have knitted a cowl with some of her yarn, but it was purchased at Fibrefest so isn't in any of my stash lists for Wonderwool. 

Anyway, I must stop procrastinating my dissertation work. There are no pictures so this is going to be a bit dull for you, but if you click on the Wonderwool tag you can see all my posts with pictures, to show the offending items. 

2010: 

• 3 skeins of grey camel/silk blend from Knitwitches
• 1 skein of blue cashmere laceweight, also Knitwitches
• 1 skein of pink alpaca silk cashmete from Artyarns

2012: 

• Many buttons
• Some red Knitwitches merino-angora blend, probably DK
• 2 skeins Blue Heron sparkly yarn - I did wind this and start something but it never made it much past the cast on

2013:

• More buttons
• 1 skein of plain sock yarn and 1 skein of Jawoll rainbow for some colourwork socks I have never made
• 2 skeins of Artisan linen/silk laceweight - wound, cast on and sitting in a project bag for about a decade
• A couple of skeins of brown Laalbear worsted - I have knitted two project with this yarn, so sort of doesn't count, but some remains
• 2 balls of Bigwigs angora/merino blend

2014:

• Obviously more buttons
• Roving - 400g; for thrumming, not yet done 
• 1 skein fivemoons Nanna Not Sock 
• Artesano BFL DK, 11 skeins in navy 
• A couple of skeins of Laalbear Naturals in cream - same as above, I have knitted a project with some of this
• 4 skeins Knitwitches Seriously Gorgeous BFL/Silk/Cashmere
• 1 skein Knitwitches aran silk 

2015:

• I'm just going to stop saying buttons
• 500g aran cashmere from Knitwitches

....and that's all that's left from 2015! Proud. 

2016:

• Buttons
• 5 skeins of green Triskelion
• 4 skeins of a blue blend DK from Owl About Yarns - I wound this but I have been putting off using it because I'm afraid it might have been mothed. It's in a bag with some moth strips
• 1 Zauberball

2017:

• 1 ball of Pook in a long gradient

2018:

• A few buttons
• 2 skeins of Riverknits 4-ply in Starry Night
• 1 rainbow gradient set, also from Riverknits

2019:

• 1 more skein of that Riverknits Starry Night so I had enough for a jumper (plan well-conceived...)
• 1 Riverknits blue gradient set
• 1 skein of delicious beige Triskelion 4-ply. The plan was (is?) to use this to make a shawl, with the blue gradient

2022:

• 2 skeins of Woolly Wumpkin very saturated red 4-ply
• 20 50g skeins of fivemoons grey 4-ply

2023:

• A Latvian mitten kit - this is OTNs and is sort of my current project (along with the other current project)
• A skein of DK Merino from Penrhallt Alpacas
• A sale grab bag of 5 skeins from fivemoons.
• A skein of DK merino from Lay Family yarns and a matching pom pom, to make a hat for the SIL - I have decided that SIL is not knitworthy, so I need to find someone else to make this hat for 
• Some rainbow yarn - two teeny skeins for adding a single rainbow stripe to the cuffs of some socks or mittens, and a ball of DK for some mitts

2024: 

• The yarn for a 4-ply jumper for Mr Z
• The needle-felting kit

2025:

• Some neons with a UV nep from Sealy MacWheely
• A Starry Nights minis set from the Yarn Artist
• 2 skeins of bird yarn from Mothy and Squid in the robin colourway - wound, sitting in a bag somewhere
• A 45 colour cashmere kit (plus the undyed for swatching) that will knit into a three-dimensional shawl

Wonderwool 2026

A rough count seems to indicate this was the 12th weekend away at Wonderwool, 14th visit in total. As this was their 20th anniversary show, I feel fairly accomplished - because of the missing in-person ones for covid, I calculate that as 19 shows since 2006, so I've only missed five. And I have the stash to prove it. 

As noted previously, I sacked it off on Saturday morning for a slightly disappointing visit to Powis Castle (may have to be repeated next year if the Clive museum has reopened by then), so I didn't get to the show until after 2pm on the Saturday, had a bit of a walk round, ate an ice cream and then left. It was positively hot inside the halls, which was a change for most other years. I had nothing for show and tell in the evening and wondered, might this be the year when I actually don't buy anything? 

But no. The ghosts of Wonderwool past haunted me: the rare occasions when I hadn't bought something and then regretted it, because I never saw it again. So I made some informed choices for Sunday and came home with this little haul. 

From the left:

• A kit to knit two otters and a pattern book from Sincerely Louise. What a delightful stall. I had a good chat with the artist and her partner on both days, all about Game of Wool and her famous octopus, featured on Tom Daly's shoulder. There were too many kits I wanted but the otters won. The word on the street is that she might have pigeons next year. 
• Top middle - a block printed silk scarf from a clothing stand called Running Stitches. They did well out of us as April bought a jacket from there on the Saturday that sent most of us running to the stall to see what she had the next day. 
• Middle middle - 18 mini skeins from Wee Yarns. They had 150 colours laid out in baskets, it was just divine. The package on the right is a pre-organised fade that I bought to knit a scarf for our Brazilian cleaner at work; the one of the left is an orange fade I put together myself, plus a couple of greens. The greens are part of my seemingly unending quest to find the right green yarn to go with some brown sportweight I took out of Kat's stash last year. 
• Bottom middle - three skeins from Sealy McWheely. The middle one is navy with a copper glimmer: very unusual, and the thing I decided on Saturday night that I would be most sad not to get hold of. I went straight back on Sunday morning and she only had one skein left! Four in the DK, so I did dither for a while, but then decided I probably don't want a whole jumper of sparkle, so I bought some plain navy for striping. 
• If you look closely at the top skein of the navy, you'll see a little vintage pearl-handled pin sticking out. 
• Top right - project bag from An Caitin Beag. It has a contrast cat lining. In the middle there is also a pin from her stand that says 'Deeds not purrs'. 
• Middle right - a needle felting kit to make three robins. I had decided against this, as I still have the needle felting kit for the door wreath from 2024, but then someone pointed out I could add robins to the wreath and I also remembered that, this October half term, I WON'T be working on a Masters, so I bought it. There's also a teeny notion purse and a crab brooch. 
• Bottom right - a kit from An Caitin Beag to make a cowl. It's the softest thing. This was originally meant for the cleaner but I like to have options. 

Given that I donated three bags of yarn to the Air Ambulance stall, I think this probably represents a net loss from my stash. Proud. 

Close up of the glimmer yarn, because so pretty. 

2026 Week 18

There isn't a great deal to say about this past week. It's bank holiday weekend and I'm trying to work on my dissertation but not being very focused. I have, at least, managed to set up a few more interviews so that is one less thing to do - by next Sunday I should have 9 in the bag, of a target of 10-15, so I am close to completing that part of the research. You know, the actual research part of it. 

We finished watching season 1 of The Pitt but don't really want to start season 2 until more episodes are released. I liked it but I felt there were some quite big holes in the plot, or rather, circles that were never completed. I also finished reading The Last Song of Penelope which was very satisfying, I loved the trilogy. I didn't touch my knitting all week but went to group yesterday and cast on for an Isabell Kramer pattern in some 2019 Wonderwool DK; I started something in it last weekend but decided the neckline was going to be way too wide so I went through the Kramer archive because her necklines are always so cleverly constructed. 

I am feeling like this might be my actual favourite time of year. I find it impossible to choose, but this very narrow window of May, when the blossom is ending but everything green is just like HELLOOOOOO and all plant life just seems swollen with brand new freshness, it's so lovely. Both our peony plants look like they're going to flower the year, for the first time ever - I think I planted them in 2021 so it has been a minute. The healthier of the two shot up to fence height in a matter of days; the other one, which began life in a pot and was then planted in the most barren bit of ground in the garden, has been pretty quick too. 

Just to add to my middle-aged stereotype, I've also been having a clear out. I decided to put 'donate 100 items' on my termly to-do list so that involves going through things like my underwear drawer, where there are rich pickings shoved to the back. Socks count as two if they're a pair (my game, my rules) and I also found nine odd socks that are never going to be reunited with their sole mates. I'm going to cut some of them up to be board rubbers. 

I did say that there wasn't much to say about this week. 

2026 Week 17

I was really on the struggle bus with work this past week. I did not want to be there, an issue exacerbated by the fact that BOTH events that would have seen me elsewhere for one day were cancelled. I suppose this made things easier, at least the second, Birmingham-based one but...hrmph. I have decided the grump was due to being tired from a week in Iceland and it being my much less preferred timetable week...but it might be the last time I have to teach it through, since the next one will have a bank holiday in it and the next one will be well into exam season. 

I realised, when I put my out-of-office on for the course I'm at tomorrow (allegedly), that I must not have missed a day of school since before Feb half term. A record! Although maybe this is also why I'm somewhat over it. 

Hobbies continued. I half-heartedly picked away at the Latvian mitten I am reknitting since it was working up too tight. Now I am slightly concerned it will be too loose but, meh. We'll see. I wound a gorgeous blue skein over the weekend to start another jumper but then lost confidence in my planned modification almost immediately after cast on, I think it would end up being much too wide in the neck, so I have stopped again. Mr Z and I continued watching The Pitt; I've nearly finished The Song of Penelope; I'm two-thirds of the way through Anxious Generation. I went to the sauna, yoga, a PT session and the gym twice. 

This weekend has been glorious Wonderwool - and it really was glorious, possibly the best weather we've ever had. The halls were actually a little bit too warm on Saturday afternoon, when I arrived. I committed heresy on Saturday morning by driving to Powis Castle for a visit first. Clive features heavily in the A-level course I teach and I have been very keen to go, but it is three hours' drive from here and I just don't think Ginge would put up with it. 

Powis was indeed beautiful but I was gutted to discover that the Clive museum was closed for essential works. No mention of this on the website. I made do with touring the rest of the house, but the vibe is very much, 'We've had to give you our house but we are very unhappy about it so will seriously limit your access' (see also: St Michael's Mount) and so everything was dark and difficult to access. Not really a problem, I enjoyed it a lot anyway. I will have to repeat visit, thanks to not being able to get into the Clive section yesterday. There's not much mention of the man himself around the rest of the place, even the portraits of his parents aren't labelled (I had to ask), but there was this statue, connected to him:

This is a 1st century Roman statue of a cat, apparently very rare because cats aren't often featured in Roman art. Clive bought this as a gift for his wife in the year that he died. I've been having fun imagining the subtext to this as a gift. Was he just trying to find the rarest and most expensive present he could? Heaven knows he could afford it. But I feel like there's a slight air of 'you're emasculating me'. 

Separate Wonderwool post to follow, with the goodies. I was very restrained this year. I gave far more to the Air Ambulance stall than I bought and I didn't buy anything at all on Saturday, very unusual for me. In the end, though, there were a few bits I just couldn't pass by. 

Spring 2 Goals

 

It's been a bit trickier to come up with good things to go on my termly goals list since Christmas. I find I am filling it with things I am going to do, rather than things I want to achieve: it is therefore easy enough to complete most of the things on it. Trying to think about what might make good goals for the next term, a brief affair of only five weeks. 

Anyway. 

What didn't I do? I didn't get to the gym much. I did make it every Sunday I was at home, but no Mondays (except that one week when I got all the way into the changing room and realised I hadn't packed a top). It is definitely harder to motivate myself now that skiing is done. Perhaps I need a new fitness goal. 

I didn't finish an audiobook, either. My brain is just a bit full at the moment, I can't cope with much more than the same 20ish songs cycling round. I am listening to two that I'm really enjoying, but enjoyment is not enough to keep me concentrating. 

I did manage to finish a novel though (House of Odysseus). I made the sauna a regular treat, it is so lovely in the spring sunshine and there are a whole load of narcissus around the little pond they've made. I went to hot yoga twice, on Fridays: a super way to end the week. I bought myself a 10-class card so I really need to make this a more regular part of my routine...somehow. 

I went to blood donors after I'd had to cancel my previous appointment due to a cold. I was greeted at the front desk by an ex-student, so thank goodness I hadn't ticked 'yes' to any of the questionnaire questions, that could have been super awkward. I flew to Edinburgh for Steps, I took sequins even if I did not wear them - I did manage glitter eyeliner, and there were plenty of sequins in the production so I count that as a yes. I had a manicure for Mallorca and did my own pedicure; the owner of my local beauty shop has just lost her husband so the remaining staff are flat out and I felt guilty enough commandeering a long evening slot for the nails. 

Most proud achievement was doing the Friday night reset each week. I do all the washing up, clean up the kitchen and put all the week's clothes away. Mr Z seems to have cottoned on to this and there seems to be less to do in the kitchen in more recent weeks, so I have taken to trying to tidy/clean/dust something else in that time instead. I am still pining desperately for a cleaner (one of Mr Z's few red lines) but this is helping a little to make me feel happier about the state of Chez Z. 

2026 Week 16

And what a week it has been! I went to Iceland on a school trip, that most glorious type of trip: one that I was not in charge of. I spent my time 'bringing up the rear' which was my official job role every day. We went to waterfalls, beaches, extinct volcanoes, lakes, hot springs and a glacier. I made a snow angel, walked behind a waterfall, chased rainbows, inspected (and bought) yarn, admired jumpers, marvelled at geological features and took dozens of selfies. 

I even managed some hobbies. I finished the purple jumper I'd been knitting for this trip, so I did get a day's worth of wear out of it. It needs blocking as it is a little short on me: I added 5 extra rows but didn't want to run out of yarn, which seems to have been the correct choice. 

I started reading The Last Song of Penelope, the third in the trilogy from Claire North. I wouldn't normally read a follow up novel so quickly after the first, I tend to absorb too much of the writer's voice and it makes it come out in my own writing or speech, like a mimic, but I couldn't resist. The House of Odysseus has stayed with me, there was some cracking writing in that, but this one has got me right in the feels several times so far. I'm about halfway through. I carried on a little with the two audiobooks but this really needs to be a school commute thing, I think, and at the moment I am obsessively listening to Tame Impala's Dracula and a few other recent musics so I don't want to put an audiobook on.

Mr Z and I have been watching the first season of The Pitt. Nice to see Noah Wyle back as a doctor and it's different enough that I don't get Carter vibes. I see Euphoria is back for its third season; I am in two minds whether to watch it. I keep seeing people arguing online that it is shocking because 'that's what addiction looks like' but I'm not sure addiction looks as glamorous as it's made out to be. I think addiction looks more like groping in a toilet bowl, a la Trainspotting. But then, I guess I wouldn't know.

I forgot to say last weekend that I binged the whole of The Other Bennet Sister in the days in between trips. Very, very enjoyable. I loved the nods to the BBC's P&P - trying to blow out the candle in front of the mirror, having Hill played by Lucy Briers, who was Mary in the 1995 adaptation. Also the quite modern additions, like the terrible bird drawings, the stretching. I was so impressed that Mary's marital fate kept me guessing right up until the final reveal. Really artfully done. 

A couple of Iceland pictures to finish up:

I wore only dresses for the entire trip (with ski bibs over the top for the waterfall) because that is the sort of energy I bring these days. If Wordsworth's sister could climb Scafell Peak in a dress, I can definitely stroll down a path to a waterfall and climb up a volcano. 

Throwaway Thursday - wedding moisturiser

An occasional series that I might also title, 'Things in my house that are basically rubbish but I am a borderline hoarder and cannot bring myself to throw them out'. The idea is to memorialise such things here and then bin them for good. 

Look how foul this is. 

Witness: the thick layer of dust over the whole top of the bottle; the lid that seems to have split in a place other than where it should open; the apparently solid layer of moisturiser on top of the remaining cm on product. This slipped out from behind some other bottles on my bathroom storage last week and is now headed to the recycling. 

Where did this come from and why has it lasted so long?

When I got married, back in 2006, I was deep into the Lush forum life and doing mystery swaps for cosmetics in this country and the US. I believe this Bath and Body Works Peach Melba moisturiser arrived in one such swap; there is a chance that I bought it myself but it wouldn't necessarily be my first choice of scent, though I do love it. My first experience with B&BW was in 1998 when I went for Camp America, coming home with a thick body moisturiser in the scent Country Apple. I don't think I would have bought myself a lotion like this. 

This scent is quite heavily associated with my honeymoon. I've got a fair few things knocking around from that era that should be gone, really, but remain because of the scent association. On my wedding day, I had a long bath with a Lush Bottle of Bubbly, and washed and moisturised with B&BW Mango Sorbetto. I wore Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs Stardust perfume, both for the name (inextricably linked to the beginning of my relationship with Mr Z) and the fact it has white musk in it, of which Mr Z is a fan (tell me you grew up in the 80s without telling me). On honeymoon, I brought a Lush buttercream that smelled of roses and geranium (I think it was originally called Amandopondo) and this moisturiser. 

It all sounds quite overwhelming; hopefully it wasn't too much so for the people around me. I chose things very carefully, that I hadn't used much before, because I knew the scent memories would bring me back to that day. And they do. One sniff of this and I'm back in Lake Garda.

That's why it's not yet in the recycling. Honestly, it is so gross, but it does still smell of my honeymoon. How does one hold on to a scent? 

Also kind of miss the mystery swaps. I'd add them to my 'golden age of the internet' list. 

2026 Week 15

Welp, it's been the last week of term and the first week of the Easter break since I last managed to get a post up, so a fair amount of stuff has gone on. 

I limped through the end of term, much marking, some scheming, general end of term vibe where you are proverbially shaking the printer cartridge to eke out the very last sprinkling of toner. On Thursday night, I flew to Mallorca, where I repaired to a little hotel near the airport for the night, before collecting my rental car and heading on to the family villa on Friday morning. Our first family holiday since the IoW caravan in 1992. 

Mallorca was nice. Beaches, lunches, rock-pooling, a chef we hired to come one night and then invited back another night to do Argentinian barbecue, a heated pool with the kids, crafting, lots of cats. The odd squabble, obviously. I don't envy Sib his marriage. It was a lot of fun to spend the time with the niblings, though. I very much appreciate that feeling of being owned by a child, in the way that they climb on you and sit on your lap and press their face against yours and it's all just so normal. Very fun.

I returned from Mallorca on Monday evening, had one day at home and then headed to Sheffield for a geography conference, where I was speaking alongside the Head of Geog from school. We've done a little cross-curricular project together so that I could convince her to go to the conference and speak, she is very good but doesn't really appreciate how good she is. One of the exam board guys was there that I usually see every year at my own subject equivalent conference, so we had a good catch up and went to a very interesting session together; I was interested to note that (1) this conference seemed a lot more activist than my subject equivalent and (b) a lot of the issues are ones that might easily be solved if subject teams talked to each other a little more. I chose to stay in a lovely spa hotel I've stayed in before, so I got a couple of sessions in in the steam room and a swim or two. I ate exceptionally delicious Korean fried chicken two nights in a row. It was quite restorative. 

Though, I do feel the press of the dissertation at my back. I don't think I'm going to be able to get the first draft done for July in the way I want to. I am setting a challenge for myself to work on it for an hour every day over the next term, but, given that it's currently 'dissertation accountability hour' and I'm writing this instead, I am not sure if the self-discipline necessary to achieve that is going to present itself. We'll see. 

Some hobbies happened, as a result of the leisure. I finished Claire North's House of Odysseus, listened to a bit more of The Anxious Generation and started a new audiobook, The Human Planet, which is very engaging. I'm also ploughing through a bit more of Is A River Alive? so my brain is crammed full of lots of other people's words at the moment. 

I went to see Underland at the Watershed on Tuesday night: Underland might be my favourite book ever (definitely top 5) but I'd heard the film was more of a spin-off, so wasn't quite sure what to expect. It was indeed very different, focusing on three people who work underground, in Mexico, America and Canada. I was totally unprepared for the first scenes to be in Vegas. I still find scenes from Vegas make me a little sad, since Father Hand passed away. But it was a very good documentary, very moving in unexpected ways. It seemed that each person was dealing with a different temporality - Mexico past, searching for Mayan remains; Vegas present, looking at the way people live in the storm drains and what they leave behind; Canada future, working in a deep mine, looking for dark matter. It was very well put together. 

Anything else? Hmm. I am onto the sleeves of my latest knit; I hoped to finish it for Iceland but, since Iceland is now under 24 hours away, that seems ambitious. I'm off there at 6.30 tomorrow morning for a school trip. It is a holiday of trips and extremes of temperature: I managed to get a reasonable tan in Mallorca, where the temperature hovered around 20 degrees, but I fear that might all be sloughed away by the windy and wet conditions predicted at my next destination. It will be worth it, though. So excited to get eyes on Iceland again. 

2026 Week 13

If I had to sum up this week with a gesture, it would be a gentle shrug and sideways look. It's definitely close to the end of term - lots of the country broke up on Friday for Easter, but we have another week - and I have been somewhat in retreat, possibly because of my weekend of intense nerding, which did not set me up for a well-rested and active week. Plus it was my busy work week. I really do not like this timetable week. Only (I think) two more of them and then the exam classes will drop off. 

I continued to read the House of Odysseus, a bit; listen to The Anxious Generation, a bit; knit the purple jumper, a bit. I saw a coursemate from Oxford who has just moved into a flat up the road from school, was interviewed by another coursemate for her research, and had a meeting with my supervisor, so it felt like quite an Oxfordy week. A pity there was not more Oxfordy work, I really need to get into some discipline on that and very soon. 

I went to the trendy glasses shops on Park Street, intending to get some huge and chunky new frames, but in the end I left without ordering; I don't wear my glasses much these days, having eased myself back into contact lenses that I use with reading glasses at work. I probably need to dip my toe into the world of varifocals but it seems like a lot of hassle. I keep thinking I should look at laser eye surgery...as if that would be less hassle. 

Some nice things: I finished the course with my A-level students, this is the earliest I have ever managed it. The older and slightly simple gentleman who I often see sitting at the bus stop near school, but have not seen for many months, was back in situ on Friday when I nipped out for my Friday coffee treat and we had a little catch up. All my royalties arrived for the second half of the financial year. I had a bit of a wardrobe clear out so almost everything fits in the wardrobe now. I made packing lists for April - I'm going on four trips, all to very different locations and for very different purposes, so it is wise to be well-planned in advance. 

Roll on the first of those trips, starting this Thursday night. Woo. 

2026 Week 12

It was only a four-day work week this week; we had Friday as a twilight inset day in respect of Eid, so I went to Oxford on Thursday night to wrestle with the dissertation. This was a very wise decision and I managed to make a great deal of progress, not necessarily on the writing but certainly on the planning, reading, getting to grips with qualitative research and generally beginning to feel like this is going to be achievable. I got up early enough on both days to get my very favourite Rad Cam seat, which is in a very sunny morning spot, keeping me warm and cheerful. I had intended to study in the education library on Saturday but then discovered it was closed; so I visited there later on Friday afternoon to beg a renewal of a book and view the famous magnolia that was the inspiration for the department logo. 

I bumped into a friend form the history teaching world while I was there, always a pleasure. I had dinner in college on Friday night and with a course friend, Lin, on Saturday - we went to the Perch, on the other side of Port Meadow, which was in flood and full of horses during the beautiful sunset, as we walked over there. The way back was a much darker story, we had to do some deft manoeuvring out of the paths of some horses and one tall specimen was stood resolutely in front of the foot gate so we had to climb over the big gate to get out. I think he might have been the same one hanging his head over the fence in the hopes of stealing someone's chips as we'd come in. 

Anyway. It was lovely to catch up with Lin. She lives in Singapore but is doing a PhD (or DPhil as Oxford prefer it) and is back in Oxford for this term as she needed to resubmit her research plan. We had a good chat. She helped me think about some work things. I had a tough meeting with the head on Thursday and I need to undertake a support plan. The trust suggest (apparently) that this is because I am too nice: I am not holding people accountable when they don't do what I tell them to do. I have felt a bit meh about this since the meeting because I don't want to be that person that is running around putting everyone else on support plans and making them feel grim. But Lin pointed out that I can hold more of a critical friend perspective. Not at all a bad idea. I just need to work out how to do it. 

Thinking again, of course, about just quitting. Maybe this is my sign. Another sign. I don't mind the support plan as it confirms my suspicion that I'm not very good at this job (yet). It also proves that I really can't do all the things at once and do them well. But I'd rather go out on a high. And I have got a ski trip to run next year. 

So, I managed to cram quite a lot into the four-day week. I ran a second round of MSc interviews, attended an interview about a certain infamous Bristolian whose statue is now missing for some UoB students who are making a documentary, went to an evening history lecture and saw some ex-students (lovely), ran a long afternoon webinar about assessment while a colleague delivered the training I'd planned for my own staff, rushed to Oxford for the evening coaching call even though I hadn't managed to do the work. Went to the sauna. Went to the gym but then left because I hadn't packed a t-shirt....I am definitely not hitting my gym goal this month but I am not really minding. Last Sunday I had the embarrassment of missing the bracket when I tried to rerack my weight at the end of the third set of bench press, when I had absolutely nothing left to force the weight back up, so I had to call on a young man for help. The shame. This is what I get for feeling smug when the man at yoga offered me a strap I didn't need. This small incident at the gym left my shoulder an neck feeling quite pulled for the week but that did mysteriously clear almost as soon as I'd finished my Thursday webinar, so perhaps there was some stress in there as well.

I've been getting on with knitting the new purple jumper, which is going fast. I finished watching Lord of the Flies: I loved the 70s cinematography. I finished reading my Alanna books and finally picked up some real books, Robert MacFarlane's Is A River Alive? and back to Claire North's House of Odysseus, which I tried and failed to get through last year but which is flowing much better now, although of course I can no longer remember the finer points of the relationships between all the characters. 

I've booked a ticket to see Robert MacFarlane speak in London in May. It's fantastically indulgent because I will just go to London for one evening. But he's written a new book about birds and I just couldn't resist. 

2026 Week 11

Well, I guess I didn't get round to coming back last week. Last weekend I had quite significant work to do for both my exam jobs and I was also trying to plan a two hour online workshop I'm delivering this Thursday - it has taken waaaaaaay longer than it should have done and is still not finished, but I am hoping I will be invited back to deliver it again, in which case, the work will already have been done. I squeezed in a trip to knitting group, a walk into Waterstones to collect the new Penguin Monarchs Henry VII which is FINALLY OUT (eight years after I bought its other Tudor companions) and a quick gym visit, but other than that was fairly tied to the computer. 

Like I said, I enjoyed it. I enjoy all of those things. But this week has been one of constant reaching for the weekend and yesterday I spent two hours dozing in the sun on the sofa and reading a teen fiction and it was very much needed. I'm glad that I seem to have reached a place of better understanding about my limits so I can be a bit kinder to myself and not wonder why I'm unable to continue working effectively later on in the day, but I wish I could reach a better understanding of how much I am capable of doing. I call it playing the long game, because all of the extras will be continue to be the paid employment I need when (if) I ever give up my main job, but...is it really the long game if I'm never going to do that, I wonder. 

I have been toying with the idea of telling my boss in September that it will be my last year, but also have it in the back of my mind that I won't have a degree to do alongside work next year and it might therefore be better. So, we will see. 

Reading. I bought the new Henry VII book, as above, plus a newish Robert McFarlane about rivers; then I went to the library and brought home two new novels from there. So, naturally, all week I have been reading the Alanna/Lioness Rampant series that I first read as a teenager. They are so easy to work through that I can manage it even after a very long work day but I do struggle to stop, eg on Sunday I stayed up past midnight finishing the 4th one (which I read first...don't at me), which action probably also holds some responsibility for the kink in my week. I do like the series but, as I get older, I find the extremely concertinaed timeline of the later books more problematic ('She's never come to terms with it,' says Alanna's servant, a mere 4 weeks after the seismic event upon which the entire series turns...I am still digesting things I ate 4 weeks ago). I also fear Ms Pierce might be a white supremacist. I am afraid to Google her, in case she is depicted at a fascist rally. The baddies in this series are almost all 'swarthy' or 'dark-skinned' while the whiteness of the goodies' skin is remarked upon often, and I never noticed it as a child. Perhaps she didn't either. Context of the time and all that. 

Watching. Having finished Under Salt Marsh, I was casting around for something equally engaging to watch and came across Task, which I powered through this week. I like an-episode-a-night but, when something is as good as Task, I get nostalgic for the bygone years of one episode a week. There's something in the wait, where you digest and turn over the episode in your mind while waiting for the next one, that enriches the whole experience. I can just barely amass the will-power to stick to one episode a night but do not have it in me to put it off for a week. 

Anyway. Task was one of those rare American dramas where the obvious clues that I always think are so obvious they're red herrings actually ARE red herrings, and the storyline is so complex that I have to spend some time thinking about how it all fits together (hence missing the wait) because it's not all laid out for me. Very definitely NOT two-screen TV and I had to rewind a few times when I forgot this and picked up my phone. Hence, very enjoyable. I very much appreciated that there was no clear good guy/bad guy line and that all the characters seemed to reside on both sides; that there was heavy, series finale energy in episode 6 but episode 7 brought more than just loose-end tying; that the sub-plot was really the main plot; that Martha Plimpton was in it, I LOVE her (all of the acting was superb, Mark Ruffalo especially, but I don't feel like Martha is in enough things so it was a real treat); and the birds. The scenery! I could have coped with a couple of the episodes being a minute longer if there had been bird-watching in that extra minute. This was a theme I felt was a bit under-developed, as a huge fan of birds. 

Knitting. I finished the watermelon cowl, I had it in mind to do a separate post about that, maybe I will. I started knitting a new version of this jumper in the purple yarn I bought at Wonderwool in 2017 - the watermelon gradient was also from 2017, coincidentally. Once it's used up, I will just be left with the cake from Pook and some linen I took out of Jenny's destash left to knit, from the 2017 haul. I might put Jenny's destash into my destash for this Wonderwool. I didn't realise it but I bought something very similar in 2024 and knitted that tank top out of it last summer. 

The new jumper is going quite well, I went up a needle size from the 2013 version because I've never been completely happy with how the neck lies on the original and I'd like a boxier fit; but this may turn out to be a huge mistake because the point of knitting this one in particular is because I can get a whole jumper out of 4 skeins of DK and I may not be able to do that on a bigger needle. BUT I had to significantly lengthen the original sweater so it wasn't midriff-exposing, suggesting my row gauge was off, so maybe it will work out. Otherwise it's going to be a midriff-exposing sweater, good for wearing over dresses. 

I've found it hard to get back to the gym in the same routine I was pre-skiing, maybe because I'm not preparing for skiing anymore, so I have only been once since half term (I'll be going again shortly), but I have found a Hotpod Yoga class I like. I am one the fence about the pod itself, it's a very noisy tent with all the blowers going and the ceiling is quite low; but I came along to a nurturing flow last week and liked it so much I rebooked for this week. It's a bit annoying that it's only 45 minutes but priced the same as an hour class, and I have to add nearly a fiver onto that for parking, but it was a very comforting and coddling way to end the week. Last week we were told we'd need a strap but, when it came to it, I did not need a strap as I can reach my toes in pretty much any forward-bending position (I think this is because I have a long body and short legs but my PT insists I have unusually flexible hamstrings so it's probably a bit of both, right?) The man next to me tried to give me his strap and I had to tell him I didn't need it, which was gratifying. 

A new hot yoga place has opened up the hill from work, where parking is not guaranteed but is free. I might check it out. I do still sorely miss bikram. 

2026 Week 10

It's been a very worky weekend, but I have enjoyed it.  

It hasn't left much time for blogging, though. Hopefully I will come back and update - my knitting progress, my new books, my TV watching and my return to hot yoga. 

2026 Week 9

"A whole week of holiday! It has felt longer than a week. We crammed a lot in."

Above is the single line I found of my update for Week 8 when I came back to blog today. Clearly got distracted, so I will make this as quick as I can. 

A busy work week, leading inset day on Monday and then some more training after school on Thursday, so the whole week was one of feeling tense and on the back foot. I was also, at least for the first two nights, absolutely exhausted, going to bed at 9.30 on Monday night, unable to keep my eyes open, and not much later on Tuesday, having fallen asleep on the sofa. I did give blood on Monday night which, combined with a busy half term and aforementioned tension, probably created the perfect narcoleptic storm, but it was not at all useful for getting All The Things done for work. Still. I muddled through. 

I got to leave at breaktime on Friday and fly to Edinburgh to see Jen and the fam for the first time in over three years: a horrifying amount of time has passed and her oldest is now nearly learning to drive. I feel like I think about my age and aging more than is normal but this really makes me appalled about how much time has passed. 

Anyway. It was a mess up by easyJet that had me out of school so early, they apparently changed my flight time from 5.40pm to 1.40pm, though the original flight still seemed to be operating so I am a bit annoyed about that, they clearly resold my original ticket for more money. Luckily I didn't have to miss any lessons so I was in the pub with Jen by 3.30. A very pleasing start to the weekend. 

On Saturday, we went for a chilly walk around South Queensferry (very bourgie, I can definitely see a yarn shop doing well there) and then went to see Here and Now, the Steps musical, in the evening. It was really, really Steps, in every way you might imagine. Loads of fun and all the hits, plus a mega mix at the end that got the whole balcony moving, an experience I haven't felt since Rocky Horror. 

Today, we went for a wander to the Scottish version of The Wave, a huge surfing complex that has opened in the quarry just behind Jen's house. And then I flew home. I decided to shell out for easyJet Plus membership when I realised I had seven flights booked with them: adding hand luggage and booking a seat on all of them cost more than the cost of membership, without considering any of the other benefits, so I went for it. This got me through fast track security at Edinburgh, so I was at my gate roughly 10 minutes after being dropped off. I know everyone hates the speedy boarders but I can't be sorry about it. 

I've been ploughing through The Raven's Head by Karen Maitland, suitably creepy; and I got through all of Under Salt Marsh. I was very put out when I got to the end of episode 5 on Thursday and realised there was another one to be released, I had to wait until today to watch it, but it was worth the wait. I enjoyed it a lot. 

I've been trying to finish the watermelon brioche cowl that I started knitting ages ago but it is just not very compelling. I need to have something fun and easy to knit next, a DK jumper or something that I can knit without looking at and will feel the need to complete before the Iceland trip in April. 

Spent much of the evening plotting a little trip to the German Christmas markets. I am getting the holidays stacked up this year, dreaming of life after the Masters. 

Scenes from Gare de Lyon

We wait for the lift. We've been waiting a few minutes. It's quite bleak in the vestibule and a French couple are waiting behind us. 

The doors open: a family with a buggy and luggage, a man at the back. Nobody moves. The man at the back tries to exit but the man in front of him is not interested in moving. He says, in English, 'Well I can't get out, you'll have to wait.' The man behind him gently protests, in French-accented English, to no avail. A few seconds of muttering ensue. 

The doors close on this unfortunate tableau.

Moments later, they reopen. Frustrated Frenchman tries again to leave, Rude Englishman tells him he 'should have taken the fucking escalator'. Something in me goes ping. 

Me: oh do you need help! Please, let me help! *rushes forward and grabs suitcase and huge bag of pampers from Rude Man before he can react*

Rude Man: I don't want to get out

Me: I know you don't, but he does

Rude Man: Well he could have taken the fucking escalator

Me: And you could be less rude

Surprisingly, this cows Rude Man, who retrieves his belongings and gets back in the lift. In the brief interim, Frenchman has exited, so all seems well. The doors close on him and his stoic wife and children. 

Moments later, the doors open again. Rude Man's humiliation deepens and he repeatedly and helplessly jabs the button for the floor he is on. 'There are only two levels,' I say, 'the one you came from and this one'. 'But there are three buttons!' he replies. He's not wrong, but it is quite clear that this is the floor they are meant to be on. They exit the lift. He stalks away, muttering 'Go fuck yourself' at me, but quietly, and from a distance. His wife and children follow.

'Have a great day!' I call after him. We laugh. The French couple laugh. We all board the lift and get on with our days. 

The only trouble with exchanges like this is, I fear he will be utterly horrible to his wife and children for the rest of the day.

Also, one day I'm going to get punched.

2026 Week 7

A little late but I am on holiday, let me off. 

The last week of term flew by in a predictably swift way. I managed to power through quite a lot of marking, peaking on Wednesday, when I finished marking my Y13 mocks in time to give them back before the end of term. This was an utter triumph but marked the end of my productivity on this front, which is why I was marking GCSE mocks on the train from Paris to Oulx on Sunday. On Thursday, I allowed myself a swift stomp down to Farro as I was just staring at the wall, intellectually paralysed; happily, their blood orange and chocolate Danish, combined with the walk, managed to kick me into some sort of working mood so I did get some things planned. I'd be happier if I'd got more done but, then, wouldn't that just mean I would have thought of other things that needed doing?

Not much happened by way of leisure. I went to the gym, to yoga and to see my PT, but I skipped the sauna as I was meant to be giving blood, which in the end I had to postpone, on account of having had a bit of a cold the previous week. Annoying. 

I ordered a new ski boot bag and spent two evenings lovingly rearranging things within it. Packing for skiing was harder than usual, I was just very unsure about what I would need, and being on the train meant I didn't have to limit myself, so naturally I overpacked. 

I was verily glued to the Winter Olympics on the TV, enjoying a lot of things but particularly the snowboard cross and the figure skating. I might be the only person in the world who doesn't like Ilia Mallinin. Reading-wise, I pulled out two teen novels that are such easy reads - The Fortunate Few by Tim Kennemore and Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce, reading both in the space of a week because I know them both extremely well. It's comforting to go back to old favourites. It must nearly be time for the The Dark Is Rising reread. 

On Saturday, Rachael and I started our journey to skiing. We spent Saturday afternoon wandering around Paris and had a nice dinner that involved French onion soup (a must for me). On Sunday, we hung out at Gare de Lyon most of the day as their left luggage was taking only cash and, even then, only coins...who has 25 euros in coins, I had to wonder. There was an incident with a rude man but I will write separately about that as I wrote the story down on my phone immediately afterwards, for blogging purposes. 

Our onward journey to Oulx was slightly marred by the fact that our seats had been taken by some schoolchildren and we were escorted to what seemed, to me, to be very inferior seats; but then, it was probably better than being in the middle of a carriage of schoolchildren. That carriage smelled pretty awful when we went to retrieve our luggage, 5 hours later. 

We were also delayed and missed the last bus to our accommodation and, it turned out, Italy doesn't really do taxis in its ski resorts on a Sunday night. After half an hour of ringing every number I could find, one of the pre-booked drivers took pity on us and ran us up the mountain, thankfully. Just as we arrived, it started to snow, and it hasn't really stopped until this afternoon. Dreamy. 

More ski news in next week's update. 

Early Spring Goals

Full goblin mode this term. It was all self-care, like mulching in my chrysalis for six weeks, so I can emerge this weekend onto the ski slopes as a rejuvenated butterfly. 

The fails first: no way was I going to be able to use up the Lush, when I counted I had about two dozen baths in the box and that was without the stash deep dive (found some bath bombs that are at least 15 years old, for example). But I did have more baths. The hair and face masks - hair, yes; face, turns out I didn't actually have many face masks in my stash. I must have been remembering a bygone glut. So I used up the ones I had but, quite quickly. The secret husband day out...well, it was planned and we were all ready to go with the tickets, but unfortunately Mr Z has had a very bad foot for over a week now and so we had to cancel. No complaints from me as I was able to stay home and watch the women's downhill, but a shame, as I'm sure he would have enjoyed it. 

But the successes! Cannot believe I managed 15 gym visits. Adding the hot yoga, six regular yogas and six PT sessions, I've exercised on 29 days out of the first 43. Not too shabby. The last gym visit was a monumental slog, but I am as fit as I can be for skiing. I learned the skillup machine (cross country ski machine, you might call it) and am working it into my regular routine. 

I deleted Facebook off my phone and I haven't actually missed it. I read it every evening on my computer until I see something racist or bigoted in some other way, and then I close it. Sometimes that happens depressingly quickly.  

I've built up to one minute in the five degree cold plunge at the sauna. I have discovered I really like going there in the rain. I went for a pedicure with my old beautician who's set out on her own, which was a lovely catch up and great to support a small business. And I did some cleaning jobs, but mainly I am pleased about my new routine of a Friday night reset, putting away all the clothes and cleaning the kitchen. That will be one to bring into the Late Spring goals list. 

I feel very accomplished. No idea what else to put on for the next round, though. 

Tuesday Ten

Ten pictures from Sauze d'Oulx

On Saturday, Rachael and I are off skiing to Sauze d'Oulx. It will be my sixth visit there but my first this early in the season and my first without a coachload of teenagers. Sauze holds a very special place in my heart because it was the first place I went skiing as an adult, back in 2006. Here's my 2006 blog rundown of that trip, which pre-dates this iteration -

Skiing was amazing, though. It came back to me surprisingly quickly - the whole kick-your-heels-up-the-mountain thing to stop, snow ploughing, falling over…easy peasy. The first day was pretty bleak; it snowed all day and by the end we were all soaked through (wet April snow) and freezing and very miserable. On top of that, the basic run took us 90 minutes to complete and nobody could see more than a few feet ahead of them. One girl was so blinded by the snow she skied straight off the path and down a snow drift. We all looked on complacently as the ski instructor pulled her out. The next day, when visibility was clear, we realized exactly what she'd nearly fallen down, and a whole new page to my risk assessment for next year was born.

Anyway, by the end of Monday I was deeply regretting booking a trip. I was very fed up, and not finding the other staff overly friendly (well duh…they'd only met me the day before, and we'd been up all night on the coach together), and feeling pretty sorry for myself. So I drowned my sorrows in a vat of red wine, and had to ski the next day with the dehydration that represents the worst hangover symptom I ever suffer from. This was more of a problem than it sounds - I didn't want to drink too much water and risk having to wee in a ceramic hole halfway up a mountain whilst clutching my jumpers, t-shirt and jacket to me in a vain attempt to keep them from soaking up the waste products of previous weak-bladdered skiers; but on the other hand I had the whole dry-mouth, whirly-world thing going on. Thankfully (!) by this point the bus had completely broken down, so we had to walk to the ski lift - 20 minutes uphill - by which point I was feeling more human. From Tuesday on we had the most glorious sunny weather, and it didn't break until Saturday when we had a little more light snow.

Honestly, I could wax lyrical about my trip for pages. I could tell you about the competitive kids who were always cutting me up. I could tell you about the instructor ("My very compliments to you Sally…Sally ees very nice person, yes, you kids agree with me, yes?"). I could tell you about skiing in the slalom race and coming 3rd in my group and winning the bronze medal. I could tell you about the copious amounts of red wine we quaffed every night. I could mention the night at the pizza place, the morning in Bardonecchia watching boarders attempt the Olympic half-pipe (and one very athletic skier). I could even, if you really wanted, give you a blow-by-blow account of the 12 hour coach journey back, and how we missed our ferry because the girls were too squeamish to use the hole-in-the-ground toilets at the service stations and insisted on queueing up for the disabled loo. But I'm not going to. I'll save it all for next year's trip.

Fell down a diario hole reading through my 2006 blog. I was very funny, obviously, but also, wow, life as a teacher was wildly different. Also, that 90 minute run, I can now complete in well under 5 minutes. I might time myself next week, just for comparison. 

After the 2006 inspection visit with another school, I didn't come back until 2009, when I brought my school two Easters in a row. Then I brought my new school in 2018, when I took control of the ski trip, and then the infamous 2023 trip that involved the 58 hour coach journey. I'm delighted to find we're going to be staying opposite the hotel we went to for the last two trips, it's very near to a lift. I'm excited about being able to ski to town level and do actual apres. I'm hoping there will be some sort of seasonal ski show. I'm desperate to ski all the way to France and back in a day. And, of course, I can visit my favourite cake shop down the mountain. 

Here are the pictures. It took some digging. 

1. 2006. Ski clothes loaned to me by the tour operator. Recognise the t-shirt?

2. Someone from the forum knitted me this hat. No helmet because why would you. No goggles. Gloves not mittens (ugh, sacrilege). That magic little super speedy two man chair that left bruises on the back of your legs. 

3. 2009. With my own school. There's a second version of this picture where we've all collapsed into each other. The absolute best ski trip buddies of all time: this was the first of (I cannot believe it was only) four trips together. 

4. This cafe though. 

5. 2010. Same two-man chair. Helmet now because I tried to buy boots on the first day and they couldn't find any to fit me, so I bought the helmet instead. Then got boots the next day. 

6. There's a great picture of me skiing by with my poles on my head, wind whipping up my helmetless hair, but I had to put in a deckchair one, obvs. 

7. 2018. Helmet (second one: 2014 purchase) and goggles because I was so heavily influenced by my ski trip buddy Tom and now I can't ski any other way. I had to put in a snowy one, obvs. This was my first trip with the new school and I wanted to go somewhere where I felt confident. 

8. New ski trip buddies. Alex's first time skiing. This was costume day and I am meant to be Wonderwoman. I had an argument with piste patrol about the correct treatment for one of my students, and won it. I was only wearing sunglasses because it was lunchtime, honest. 

You have to pretend this one isn't here because it brings my count to 11, but I had to squeeze in the deckchairs. 

9. 2023. First one back post-covid. So joyful, even with the journey from hell. Bloody Brexit. 

10. Same deckchairs. Noticably less snow.