Tuesday 22 September 2009

Tuesday Ten

Ten things I would like to say to the girls at this school

1. That foundation is the wrong colour. And it's too thick.
2. If you MUST cake it on, go and try a few shades on and look at them in natural light - pick the one that blends in most, not the tanned colour you wish to be - and invest in a decent foundation brush and a smoothing sponge.
3. Try mineral foundation. It will be better for those spots which aren't improving, thanks to their thick caking with cheapo foundation.
4. Eyelash combs - essential if you insist on wearing 12 coats of mascara.
5. Footless tights are not leggings. They require you to wear a top/dress/skirt that covers your arse - because they are see through.
6. The world will not end if your hair is not poker straight. You might feel like it has ended, though, when your hair falls out because of over-styling.
7. Screeching swear words across the playground is not classy. Stop it.
8. STAY AWAY from that vile boy in year 10 who shall not be named. HE IS DISGUSTING. You can all do a lot better.
9. You don't smell. Stop putting on body spray in my room.
10. Pick your battles. Teenaged girls are bitchy and will always be so. Ignoring it does not make you weak.

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