Thursday, 27 February 2014

Scenes from the Classroom #7

I teach an infuriating boy, we'll call him L. He cannot stay quiet or on task for more than a few minutes at a time and he must constantly perform. He will never make the progress he needs to in my subject. BUT! He is one of my favourite students, regardless. He hasn't a malicious thing about him and he is absolutely hilarious. Here's an exchange from today...

Me: Put the fizzy drink away, L
L: (exaggaretaed sigh) I don't understand why teachers are allowed to drink coffee and tea and we're not even allowed even a tiny sip of water
[An aside: they are allowed water.]
Me: You'll also notice L, that I am not wearing a school uniform, that I have boots on, and that I don't have a planner out on my desk.
L: Yeah well you're no different to us!
Me: Teachers are different, L, we're...
L: You're not different! You're just....adults.
Me: Yes, we are different because we are adults.
L: What so, just because you're a COUPLE of years older than me....
Me: What a lovely suggestion, L, but it's more than a couple
L: OK, TEN years older than...
Me: That's very sweet of you
L: Well, you can't be over 30
[Now I type it, I wonder if he meant 30 years old, or 30 years older. Hmm. Oh well]
Me: How old are you, L? 12?
L: 13
Me: Nearly three times as old.

A pause. Maybe five whole minutes during which L kept looking over his shoulder, trying to find someone to distract him. I look up to see a huge chunk of cereal bar in his hand, under the desk. Love how students think under the desk is invisible. There's no front to anybody's desk, except mine - another way in which I am different.

Me: Put it away, L.
L: (sliding hand into bag) I haven't even got anything! 
Me: You're holding a chunk of food
L: It's not food! 
Me: ... 
L: What, it's not even food! 
[Class sniggering]
Me: But, was food! 
[Class now laughing quite loudly]
L: No, it's a chocolate bar, it's not food 
[All semblance of an atmosphere conducive to productivity now evaporated]
Me: If it's not food, why are you eating it?

I do very much enjoy teaching him.

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