Tuesday Ten

Dear Girls at Circuits....

1. If you don't want to sweat your make up off, go home.

2. If you don't want to do press-ups, go home.

3. If you want to talk at length with your friend about how you're definitely not getting back together with Jordan, go home.

4. If you've got the breath to talk, you're not working hard enough.

5. Right now, I wish I was Jordan.

6. If you don't want to use a mat that somebody else has dripped a bit of sweat onto, know that I will judge you a little because - surely you're going to chuck your clothes in the wash and yourself in the shower as soon as you get home anyway?

7. If you're worried about your bicycle crunches being pornographic, go home and change out of that pair of knickers and into some shorts. Srsly. That guy on the opposite side of the room can't stand up straight.

8. Actually, just go home and stay there.

9. Contrary to what you think, you can lift a 7kg weight off the ground. You're currently lifting two 4kg weights. It's not rocket science.

10. I hope that later when you're being all smug on Snapchat about working out, your nose grows, because what you have done today is not working out.