J: Miss, would you go out with Simon Cowell?
Me: Er, no.
J: But he's loaded!
Me: Still no.
J: I asked my mum that question and she said no too. I don't get it. Why not? He's loaded!
Me: Well, money isn't everything. And also, I'm married.
H: Ah yes, Miss, but people have affairs.
Me: I'm not going to have an affair with Simon Cowell.
H: You can't say that Miss. These things do happen.
Me: H, as one of the people involved in the alleged affair, I can categorically promise that I will never have an affair with Simon Cowell.
H: But he is very rich, Miss.
Me: He only dates models. I'm not a model. I'm far too busy with my job, he'd get tired of never being able to see me.
R: Yeah but, Miss, if you were dating Simon Cowell you could just give up your job, because he's really rich.
Oh dear. Can, open. Worms, everywhere.