Tuesday Ten

Ten Housekeeping Shortcuts

1. Buy so many clothes that they couldn't possibly all fit into your wardrobe/drawers if they were all clean and folded at the same time. This allows the perfect excuse for leaving clothes at various stages of the washing cycle - in the basket, in the machine, drying on the radiators, on the stairs waiting to go up, on the blanket box at the end of the bed.Sometimes it is possible to skip a couple of the stages in between wears which cuts down on the chores.

2. Instead of actually washing up, run a bowl of hot soapy water, submerge as much as you can into it, then leave until tepid while you do something more interesting. Half-heartedly swill the dish cloth around the plates in an attempt not to waste that hot water. Tell yourself the hot water and soap has killed anything you have to worry about, anyway. Leave to air dry.

3. Claim that your oven is "self-cleaning" despite all evidence to the contrary.

4. Use the old carpet as an excuse to never vacuum. It never looks any better when it's cleaned, after all.

5. A full bin is not a reason to make a trip outside to the wheely bin: it is a challenge. I was always a massive fan of Tetris.

6. Become at one with your mess. This isn't quite the same as being happy with or accepting it; it is just enough of a feeling of apathy to prevent you from getting off the sofa at the weekend and making an improvement/throwing stuff away.

7. Never invite anybody round, except your closest friends who have grown to accept that you and The Mess are one. Then you'll never have to tidy.

8. Do not iron. I don't iron. I buy clothes that don't need ironing, because the last thing I need in life is another reason to feel guilty about being behind on the housework.

9. Batch cook things like cupcakes and biscuits, claiming they are to go into the freezer to serve when somebody pops round. Then, refer to point 7. More cake for you.

10. Engage a cleaner. Ours is coming again tomorrow. Bliss!

Thanks Carole. I don't think it was quite what you had in mind...